This is my very first blog ever. I am writing to chronicle my struggle with borderline personality disorder and to hopefully help others who suffer from BPD get through each day a little easier. I was looking around on Word Press yesterday, trying to find some encouragement from other people who had BPD. All I could find were daily struggles. I don’t need to read more about daily struggles. I have plenty on my own.
Briefly (for now) I will list some of the things that I struggle with throughout the day. Anxiety, emptiness, depression (more like trying to drag myself out of a deep hole), inadequacy, detachment, anger. There are so many things I could say about these, but maybe some other time. Right now I want to help people to get through the day, not make their day worse by focusing on my messed up head.
I have only just started my self-help CBT course, but I am learning a little already. Changing your way of thinking and your behaviors is key. I know it sounds obvious, but it’s not so easy to actually put into practice. I have been writing down distressing situations that I find myself in and trying to analyze what I’m feeling and how I can cope. There is a worksheet/flow chart called “5 Aspects of Life Experience” by Padesky. http://www.get.gg/docs/5aspects.pdf This is a link to the worksheet.
When facing a distressing situation, I try to write down what is happening. Where am I? What time of day is it? What happened? Then thoughts and images going through my head are recorded. What did I think about when this situation occurred? What about those thoughts disturbed me? Then I make note of physical sensations I’m feeling, such as sweaty palms, pounding heart, sinking feeling in my stomach, etc. Next I make note of the emotions I’m feeling. I had a hard time with this one. I actually had to google “list of emotions” so I would know what constituted as an emotion, and what was really a screwed up thought. Finally I write down my behaviors, what I actually did. I ask myself what I did to cope. What helped? What did I avoid doing? What automatic reactions did I have?
Going through this worksheet may make you feel silly at first, but it really helps you to look at what you think, what you feel, and how you act during situations. If you can slow down automatic thinking and understand that they are just thoughts, NOT FACTS, running through your head, you have a chance of altering your behavior.
I would encourage you to check out www.get.gg for a lot of self-help resources. Does anyone else have any suggestions? What helps you get through the day? How do you cope with the constantly changing emotions, debilitating anxiety, mind numbing depression, and anything else you go through? Not only do I want to help others, I really want to find a way to function. I want to be able to get through the day without breaking down or running away. I look forward to your suggestions.