I’m such a people pleaser…sometimes. I think my husband may disagree, though. I feel so stupid about this! The other day I was in Target with a co-worker/semi-supervisor (it’s really weird), and she asked if I liked a certain cookie/candy thing. It’s a long wafer stick, kinda like a straw, and has some kind of light filling. Why, when she asked if I like them, did I say, “I’ve never had them”? Why couldn’t I just say, “No, I really don’t like those.”? Thinking back, I can’t imagine that she would have been upset or offended if I said I didn’t like them. For some reason I have a hard time letting people (other than my husband!) know that I disagree with them. “For some reason”? Yeah, it’s called borderline personality disorder. Anyway, so, since I was so pathetic that I couldn’t say I DIDN’T like the cookie thing, she bought them so we could share them during the day at the office. And she had to go and buy hazelnut. I HATE hazelnut!
When we got back to the office, she handed me one to try. I knew I was going to hate it, but took a bite, anyway. God, I really hate myself sometimes (more like all the time). As I was chewing, wishing I could spit the cookie out but couldn’t because she was watching me, I was nodding and making sounds like it was good. After I swallowed I told her how great it was. When she wasn’t looking I buried the rest of it in the trash can.
Since then, every couple days she gives me another. Yesterday she told me to take two. I did refuse that time – I only took one. LOL Yup, pretty pathetic. Each time she offers me a cookie, I take it. Then, I eat part of it, trying not to vomit in my mouth as I do. As soon as I can I dump it in the trash. I feel like I’m in so deep at this point. I mean, what am I going to do, tell her I don’t like those cookies next time she offers me one? How would that make me look? Like a pathetic, simpering fool who either doesn’t know what she wants or can’t articulate it.
I can’t stand myself.