I can’t keep going like this! HELP HELP HELP

This cannot continue.  I’m driving my husband away with my behavior and speech.  The messed up part is that I CAN’T SEE when I’m hurting him.  I don’t know that I’ve said something I shouldn’t until the damage has been done.  I say things and I don’t realize how they sound, I guess.  I think things through in my head (or, I’ve been making attempts to) before I say them, and they still come out wrong.  I keep hurting him.  I am always nit-picking.  I am critical and I micro-manage.  How do I stop?  I have decided to just NOT SPEAK.  I am not going to say ANYTHING unless I am asked a direct question or if it is necessary to say.  I don’t know what else to do.  I feel like I may have already screwed my marriage into the ground.  I think it may be too late to save it.  I know he needs me to change IMMEDIATELY and I can’t.  I am trying.  I am absolutely making progress.  I can see it.  When he’s not mad at me, my husband sees it.  The problem is, he also sees the many areas where I fuck things up.  He feels the hurt.  He feels the pain.  I want to just go off on a desert island until I can stop hurting him.  I want to be away from him until I can get my head straight.  I don’t want to hurt him anymore, but can’t make the immediate changes he needs.  I don’t want to loose him, but I’m afraid I can’t fix this.  What do I do?  How do I keep my words/thoughts/actions under control?  How can I fix this faster?  HELP HELP HELP

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Life, Personal, Thoughts | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “I can’t keep going like this! HELP HELP HELP

  1. not talking is not a solution an open and honest conversation, maybe with mediation, is what you need … it is not all you, some will be him too

  2. My whole life has been affected by un diagnosed BPD I cannot get a Doctor to understand what I am going through. I have lost a husband, a couple of sisters and there is only so much my family can help me with when I screw up. So I am here if you need to vent maybe a BPD support system will help a smidge?

    • That would be wonderful. Thank you! I have only been blogging on here for just under two weeks, but I’m finding it very helpful to get things off my chest. I’ve kept it bottled up for so long…which is part of the problem.

  3. Jaen Wirefly

    Unfortunately, there isn’t any quick fix for BPD. You CANNOT hurry up and get better. THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE. Healing is a process and cannot be rushed. I think marriage counseling might help. Choose a therapist who’s knowledgeable and empathic about those with BPD. It’ll give your husband the validation he needs and can help both of you communicate better.

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