They Think I’m Incompetent

I always walk away from every conversation thinking that the person I just spoke with must think I am the stupidest person on the planet.  I am convinced that I leave everyone with the general opinion that I am inarticulate, uneducated, incompetent, unsure, awkward, scared, vapid and idiotic.  I have to tell myself as I walk away that those thoughts are not true, and are just floating around in my head to fuck with me.

I walk away, out of breath, shaking, sweating, heart RACING.  I run through the conversation in my head, trying to think about how I could have said something differently/better.  I know there are funny looks crossing my face.  I can feel my face contort as I replay the conversation.  I can only imagine what I must look like to passers-by.

The past week or so, as I have walked away and the thoughts start bubbling up about what a fool I come across as, I tell myself that, just because I’m thinking it, doesn’t mean it’s true.  I also try to think about the fact that I cannot change what has just happened.  I try to take deep breaths as I’m walking back to my desk (I really only talk to people at work, and only when I have to), telling myself over and over, “I can’t change the past.  BREATHE.  I can’t change the past.  BREATHE.”  It’s helped a little.  I have been trying to stop my negative thoughts before they can really intensify and become out of control.  As long as I can keep my thoughts tampered down, I think I have a halfway decent chance of not completely losing it today.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Life, Personal, Thoughts, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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One thought on “They Think I’m Incompetent

  1. So, just from reading your post, I can tell you are none of the things you mentioned. At the very least, you are articulate, and smart enough to recognise the problems you are suffering from.

    Perhaps you need to let go of your concerns over what other people think? Unless they really matter to your life, does it matter what they think? (And if they really matter, they won’t think you are stupid, they will think you are strong for coping with your problems).


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