I wish I could stop laughing

I don’t know how to properly respond to people.  I don’t know how to interact in “normal” society.  Someone will say something, and I will laugh. Or giggle.  Or titter.  Or snicker.  I have noticed that recently my first response is always to laugh.  I have had an increase in people telling me “I’m not joking!”  I fucking know you’re not joking.  I’m not laughing because I think you’re funny.  If you tried to be funny, I probably WOULDN’T laugh then – well, at least not sincerely.  I am uncomfortable interacting with people and it’s really showing.  It has been suggested that I try to talk to strangers in the grocery store.  That way if I make a fool of myself, or even THINK I do, it’s not a big deal.  Well, at least not as big a deal as if I saw that person every day.  I try to talk to people at stores.  I really have been.  I don’t feel stupid, but I do feel fake as hell.  Plaster on a BIG fake smile, and away we go!  I don’t know how well it’s working.  I guess I will keep it up, as best as I can.  It will, hopefully, help me to feel more comfortable around people in the future.  I hope so.  Until then, I suppose I will just have to keep laughing.  My husband likes to quote a Kansas song:  “I was laughing ‘cause there was no room to cry.  There was too much growing to do.”

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Health, Life, Mental Illness, Personal, Thoughts, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “I wish I could stop laughing

  1. I like that your husband likes Kansas. I work in a retail environment, so that smile has to be there every, single day. The odd thing is, after an hour of it, I actually start to feel a little better inside.

  2. I know how you feel. I feel awkward in social situations so laugh, but worse I try to make people laugh and am usually innapropriate, or so forward they think I am flirting. On other occasions I am so quiet they either think I am stupid, moody or think I am above speaking to people! If you find a way to overcome this, please let me know!!!

  3. I do this too! Especially if I’m talking to a stranger or someone I don’t know well, I punctuate everything they say with a laugh. Because I don’t know what else to do or say and I’m nervous/uncomfortable. I feel like it makes me look like a bird-brain, but the response is reflexive at this point. At least I know I’m not alone in my chuckle issues. That’s comforting. Thanks for sharing!

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