It’s almost over!


I think I’m going to make it through this day.  I haven’t had any major roller coaster of emotions – not yet, anyway.  Who knows what this evening could hold.  I had a little glitch during lunch, but Jay was able to talk me through that misunderstanding.  I think it may be a good night, though.  I feel a little like crying, but mostly out of relief.  I have been drinking more lately, trying to deal with things.  I know drinking is not a way to solve problems and could cause more problems for some people, but it makes me feel better and Jay doesn’t mind.  That tells me it’s ok, at least for me, at least for right now.  Anyway, we are trying to save money for a move at the end of the year to Colorado.  I have been thinking for the last month or so that this move (over 1,000 miles away to a state we have never been to) will fix all my problems.  Running away seemed to be the answer.  We hadn’t put any money in our budget for alcohol, though, since neither Jay nor I have both been drinking lately (at least, that was the case up until a few weeks ago).  With me drinking more because my head is getting out of control, I’m spending money we should be saving.  Not to mention I’m afraid I will need to take some time off work in the next few months.  I have been worried about not having enough money for our move.  After talking with Jay, though, we have decided to wait for a bit.  We are still planning on moving, just maybe not as soon as we expected.  This is such a relief.  The crazy thing is that I was the one pushing to move.  I was the one pushing to save.  Save save save!!  I didn’t realize the pressure I was putting myself under until we decided to postpone our move.  I feel like I can breathe a little easier now.  Plus, I will have the money I need to self medicate until my therapy starts up.  Not sure when that’s starting.  I have an initial interview with the therapist on June 13.  I guess we will be discussing what I want to get out of therapy, if she can help, blah blah blah.  It will be group therapy, though, so I’m not sure how that will go, but that is another blog for another day.  I made it through today, and that’s all that matters for right now.

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Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Drinking, Health, Life, Marriage, Mental Illness, Personal, Therapy, Thoughts, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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One thought on “It’s almost over!

  1. I suppose drinking is a form of running away in itself; I used to drink until my fingers went numb, and I couldn’t focus on any one thought. It was about the only way to kill the depression, for one more night. Eventually I started thinking about my poor liver.

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