Good Employee, or Just the Day’s Entertainment?

I work for a temp agency.  There is a construction project going on in the town where I live in Arkansas.  A contracting company in Florida actually hired me to be part of this project.  I am the Office Administrator.  So, I’m working through the temp agency, was hired by the company in Florida, and work on the construction project of a company located in Arkansas.  Confused yet?

I have been working on this project for 4 months, and it looks like this will continue until late fall or early winter.  One of the senior inspectors (they “inspect” the progress of the project) told me this morning that I needed a raise, and he was going to try and get me one.  I figured he was joking, especially since he works for a different company.  He works for a local contractor that was hired by the company doing the construction project.  He told me, though that he wasn’t joking.  Then, the liaison between the Florida company that hired me and the company that is heading the construction project said he was going to try and get me a raise through the company in Florida.  THEN he said he would try to get me hired on by them.  Sitting beside me was the woman who takes care of invoicing.  She is also a contractor hired by the company doing the project.  She recommended me being hired by one of the local contractor companies – like the one our senior inspector works for.  They were all three talking about it.  At first I was getting excited.  I would love more money…who wouldn’t?!  Then I started worrying.  If I was hired permanently, there is the issue of the drug test.  The corporate headquarters of the temp agency I work for is located in a state where certain things are not criminalized, so there is no drug test to take.  Most companies in this area don’t have the same policy, though.  Also, they were talking about how great it would be for me to have a permanent position and how I wouldn’t be doing temp work.  I kind of like temp work.  That way I can get away from these people before I get too crazy.  I can hold onto it for a while.  I can hide it and keep it under wraps.  The problem comes when I have interacted with people for a while, and they see how nutty I really am.  It’s also easier to end an assignment, take some time off to get my head together, and then start another assignment rather than take a few weeks off from a position I will have to come back to.  It’s awkward to have to explain a long absence.

Now the thoughts going through my damaged mind are that they were all fucking with me.  I think it was all an elaborate joke.  People like to play jokes on each other in this office.  Last week they were hiding other people’s laptops or just barely unhooking the wire to the internet so it would appear that they were connected but really weren’t.  For the record, I HATE jokes and pranks.  All it does is make someone feel stupid as others laugh at them for their stupidity.  Anyway, they could very easily be messing with me.  They kept going on and on about what a good job I do, and how I’m always busy and I’m so helpful.  The invoice person said I should get a raise just for dealing with her on a regular basis.  Here’s the thing, though:  I don’t work that hard.  I mean, I get my job done, but I don’t bust my ass or anything.  I spend most of the day trying to look busy and productive.  I get everything done that I need to.  I usually get more done than I need to for that day.  I just work fast, so I get things done early in the day.  I spend the rest of the day messing around on the internet.  I have learned to space out the work I’m doing with fun things to keep me interested and motivated.  Otherwise I get it done fast and am BORED.

So, I don’t work hard.  I try to make them THINK that I do.  Have I really done that good a job of faking them out, or are they trying to make me the day’s entertainment?  I know the invoice person sees some of the things I do throughout the day.  Her desk is across the aisle from mine, and all she has to do is look up to see what is on my computer screen.  I think she’s seen me blogging and looking at news sites, but she doesn’t seem to care.  She is a sort of co-worker and sort of supervisor, so she would have legitimate reasons for not wanting me to be browsing the internet.  I always complete what needs to be done in a timely fashion.  Maybe I have finally found a place (though temporary, lol) that cares about the final product, and not the path it took to get there.  I don’t know.  I still can’t shake the feeling that they were just fucking with me.  I know I have been coming off as flakey lately.  I think so, anyway.  Fuck it.  I don’t know when I really am coming off in a negative way and when I’m not.  Just ask my husband.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Life, Mental Illness, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Work | 1 Comment

Post navigation

One thought on “Good Employee, or Just the Day’s Entertainment?

  1. Satis

    I hope they’re not; it’s quite a compliment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: