This is distressing…


I am anxious.  I am antsy.  I am nervous.  My heart is about to beat out of my chest.  I want to sit down and cry.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now, besides the usual, that is.  I am feeling especially keyed up and jumpy.  I want to hide under my desk with my arms wrapped around me, becoming as small as possible.  I want to run around the office waving my arms and screaming.  SCREAMING.  I wish I had some kind of anti-anxiety medication.  It doesn’t even have to be especially good, just something to bring me down a bit.  This fucking sucks.  I wish I could afford a real doctor who wasn’t worried about giving me something to keep me calm.  How am I supposed to function like this?  GODDAMMIT I JUST WANT ALL THIS SHIT TO END!!!!!!!!!!

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Categories: Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Health, Life, Mental Illness, No hope, Panic Attack, Personal, Stress, Thoughts, Work | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “This is distressing…

  1. Satis

    I used to live in the UK, and this hurts me so much to hear. Say what you like about nationalized health care, but not having to pay for healthcare is something amazing, and something I sadly took for granted until I moved to the US. It certainly does suck.

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