Deep, dark, black hole

I wish I wasn’t so sad.  That word hardly seems to fit what I’m feeling.  Wretched?  Despondent?  Forlorn?  Those sound better.  I just want to cry.  I just want to sit down and cry.  Really bawl my eyes out.  I tried to the other day in the shower, but I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t cry.  It really seems that when I have the chance to cry, I can’t, but when it is a HORRIBLE time to let loose (like at work or while driving), that’s when the tears flow freely.  I’m just so down.  I feel so far down, I don’t know if I can pull myself back up.  I don’t know how to anymore.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depressed | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Deep, dark, black hole

  1. I know that feeling so well. The tears haven’t come for me in many, many years; not when I need them. Wretched, despondent, forlorn, despairing, hopeless – depressed. Then there was always the sensation of someone twisting my gut and pulling it out through my stomach. I don’t think I ever found a way out of it, except for time. Time heals all (and kills all). One way or another, I guess.

    I’m sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

  2. I know that feeling too. You feel so upset inside, and know that tears would ease that pain, but they just don’t come. I attribute it to either an emotional blockage, or further self harm. I always finds it helps to watch a sad movie to ‘set me off’ then the tears will flow. xxxxx

  3. I so relate. Crying always happens to me at the most embarrassing times- like last week during my spiritual development class, right in the middle of a meditation I started heaving in huge sobs! Wasn’t funny at the time, but seems funny now! I was mortified at the time, it was totally uncontrollable wailing!! But I feel better for it and got some great support whilst I was there.

    Hope you can cry out all the pain. Was totally gonna suggest what the above commenter did- watching a sad movie. If I start watching The Notebook I’ll be sobbing my heart out before the end!

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