No Thoughts, Emotions Only


I had a little break through in my DBT session yesterday.  We were talking about mindfulness.  I was asked about thoughts in my head.  I told the intern that I didn’t HAVE any thoughts in my head.  I told him that people would ask my opinion on things, what I like, what I think, and I would never have an answer.  I don’t have thoughts rolling around in my head – I only have emotions.  I told him that I am so overwhelmed by my emotions all the time that I don’t have actual thoughts.  It’s all about how I feel.  It totally sucks, too.  If I had THOUGHTS, I could pinpoint them and tell myself they were wrong.  I can control my thoughts.  I have power over my thoughts.  How can I control my emotions?  If I am so overwhelmed with sadness, I don’t have room to think.  I can’t think when I’m angry.  I can’t think when I’m anxious.  I JUST CAN’T THINK.

I am so confused all the time, I really have a hard time concentrating when I try to bring thoughts into my head.  They will flit out quickly, leaving me with no memory of what I was trying to think out.  I was trying to do some simple math in my head this morning but couldn’t keep the numbers straight.  I have to plant a thought in my head and say it over and over.  If there is a certain skill from therapy I should be working on that week, I will keep repeating it to myself.  Otherwise it will leave my head, and I will be left with uncontrollable emotions.

The next section we are talking about in therapy is emotional regulation.  Hopefully this will be of some benefit to me.  Maybe once I get my emotions under control, I can get my life back.

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Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, DBT, Life, Mental Illness, Therapy, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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