I love you, Crazy Jay!


My husband and I reconciled last week.  We decided to not drink anymore.  Alcohol turns him into an angry, uncontrollable person, and it turns me into, well, an angry, uncontrollable person.  When I drink is when things get broken and holes are put in the wall.  So, yeah, alcohol is out for us.  We both have such a hard time controlling our emotions anyway.  Alcohol just makes it easy to let loose and hurt the other person.

I’m glad that we’ve worked things out.  Well, we’re WORKING on working things out.  We have forgiven each other the hurt we have caused.  We are both committed to meeting the other person’s needs and making them feel important.  We both believe that God has called us to be together.  I know that sounds crazy to some, but, hey, what can I say?  We’re BOTH crazy.

We have believed from the start that God meant for us to be together.  We got married after officially dating for just shy of three weeks.  He was 36 and I was 19.  He was living in a rescue mission and I was living with my parents.  Neither of us had jobs.  Neither of us had money.  We didn’t tell anyone we were married until a week after the fact, and even then we had not intended to tell anyone.

After we got married, my family tried every way they could to pull us apart.  It didn’t work.  It just pushed us closer together, which, when looking back, I think was God’s plan all along.  We ended up moving over 1,000 miles away just to get away from my family.

We have had some good times, and some bad times.  Through even the worst times, I never doubted God’s desire for us to be together.  I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to make it, but I never doubted God.

Today is our NINE YEAR anniversary.  No one thought we would make it a month, and here we are, nine years later.  I would say that the difficult, sometimes unbearable times we have been through have brought us closer together and made us even more committed to each other.  Not to mention the fact that we both know that no one else would be able to put up with us.  God made me for him, and him for me.  I am eager to see how God continues to grow and change our relationship.  I know that, because of all we have been through, our relationship is going to be ROCK SOLID on the other end.

I love you, crazy Jay!  I would do it all over again.  WE HAVE DEFIED THE ODDS.  IT IS A MIRACLE!!

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Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Marriage, Mental Illness, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “I love you, Crazy Jay!

  1. “I am sorry, and I am proud. I know this can’t be easy, this decision, but I am glad that you made it. There are many out there that never get the chance to. I will keep a hope for you.” – my comment on July 13.

    I had to go back and re-read your post from a couple of weeks ago. In it, you had made the decision to leave Jay. You mentioned going to the house with a police escort. Today’s post is quite a different tone.

    It also made me realize that, in some cases, we really shouldn’t comment on situations for which we don’t know the full details. I feel like a bit of an ass for encouraging you to go through with leaving Jay, if we were simply looking at the shit-end of a really, really bad bout of fighting. I ought to know, given the often-strained relationship between my wife and myself.

    So I feel that I ought to retract my previous comment; I also feel that, for your sake, you should make sure that you’re not being attracted back to a toxic relationship.

    I don’t have thoughts these days about leaving my wife, and I don’t think she does, either. Regardless, we are planning marriage counseling, because we can’t continue the way we are. Is this something you are doing/considering?

    I suppose the best I can offer at the moment is that I wish both you, and Jay – separately or together – luck in your individual lives. You both deserve a healthy life.

    Take care.

  2. Don’t even worry about it. I know how some of those posts sounded. I was just letting off some steam since I have nowhere else to do it. Sorry if it seemed misleading. I sometimes do feel like I go back and forth between wanting to hate him, and knowing that I need to do what I can do to make things work. I’ve also had a really bad few months, but seem to be coming out of it. At least, if I’m not coming out of it, it’s changing slightly for the better. Thanks for all your comments. I know I don’t always respond, but I do always read them! Responding sometimes seems too much of a difficulty at times. I post, and then hide under a rock for a few days. 🙂 I do appreciate you reading. Hope you’re doing well!

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