House of Disorder(s)

My main therapist yesterday told me she thought I had some sort of anxiety disorder on top of Borderline Personality Disorder.  That gave me some relief.  I have known I am incredibly anxious for quite a while.  A looong while.  Having a name for my craziness makes me feel validated.  Like I’m not really crazy.  LOL – did I just write that?  I am going to see a new medical doctor/psychiatrist today, and I am going to ask for an anti-anxiety medication.  What I REALLY want is valium or klonopin, but I guess everyone wants those.  I have a history of alcohol dependency (though I really think it was just episodic, and not an actual thing I struggle with), so I know they will be hesitant to give me a lovely benzodiazapem.  I am going to ask for buspar which apparently works like a benzo, but doesn’t have the addictive aspects.

Anyway, I looked into the different anxiety disorders.  I immediately assumed that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but quickly ruled that out.  I may feel anxious a lot of the time, but it is never about something specific.  Like a loved one dying in a car crash.  Or losing my job.  Or just being afraid all the time that SOMETHING is going to happen.  Then, I moved on to Panic Disorder.  I have been having panic attacks pretty regularly lately.  That is definitely a possibility.  I think maybe Social Anxiety Disorder may be closer to it, though.  I freak out about going into stores by myself.  I’m sometimes afraid to answer the phone.  I HATE talking to people, whether I know them or not.  I avoid situations where I do have to interact with people.  SAD (what a fitting acronym) is characterized by being afraid of interacting with people because you think you will be judged or make a fool of yourself.  I just thought that was part of my BPD.  Nope!  Lucky me!  I get another diagnosis!

Ehh, I don’t care.  Pile them up.  I will take all I can get.  Maybe, if I end up with a bucket-full of diagnoses, people will understand the depth of what I’m going through.  Naw, probably not even then.

My husband and I used to compete for labels.  A few years ago I was winning.  Of course, I don’t agree with those diagnoses anymore, but I was winning then!!  He has me beat now.  I have BPD and SAD.  Ready for his list?  He ABSOLUTELY has the following:  Bipolar, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  He is symptomatic for and it has been suggested that he has:  Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, and Schizotypal Personality Disorder.  I think he probably has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, too (though maybe that’s part of the PTSD)

I think my dog may have BPD, too.  Or some type of anxiety disorder due to our screaming.  We are just a house full of crazies!  Never a dull moment!  LMCAO  (laughing my CRAZY ass off)

Categories: Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Marriage, Mental Illness, Panic Attack | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “House of Disorder(s)

  1. Did I hear someone ring my doorbell? Whoooop, whooooop!

  2. Satis

    I’ve done what you’ve done, and am always on the fence; if I match some of the symptoms of ten diseases, does it mean I have all ten? Or something completely unheard of? I always wanted to be so crazy no one could understand it.

    I’m considering restarting therapy soon, so I guess I’ll find out!

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