If you hate your mother, raise your hand!!

I saw my therapist this morning.  We were discussing how I take everything (EVERYTHING) negatively.  She asked me what benefits this gave me.  I told her that it protected me from being disappointed and let down.  If I take something positively, I would feel incredibly stupid if it turned out I misinterpreted what was said/done.  Not to mention how crushing it is to think that someone is saying something nice only to find out that they are being the sarcastic piece of shit that they are.  I also told her that I am unable to take things positively (or, at least, not take them negatively) because it conflicts with the view I have of myself.  She asked what could be done for me not to feel that way, and how I could get past that.  I told her that I completely blamed my mother for my state of mind, and I would be helped tremendously if I could drive up to VA and kill her.  No, not kill her.  Anyone read/seen Princess Bride?  At the end, Wesley (hero of the story) tells the bad guy that he is going to cut off his arms and legs.  Chop off his nose.  Gouge out his eyes.  He is going to let the guy keep his ears, though, so that as he goes through life he will be constantly tormented by hearing how people respond to his outward ugliness.  He will live the rest of his life in pain, shame, hurt, anger.  That’s what I want to do to my mother.  That fucking bitch doesn’t deserve to just be killed and that be the end of it.  She needs to SUFFER.  She needs to feel the pain, anguish, disgust, HURT for the rest of her life that I have to deal with.

Hmmm, it sounds like I’m dealing with some unresolved anger and resentment.  I guess I still ABHOR my mother.  I thought I was over all that – though I guess if I was REALLY over it she would have my phone number and we would actually correspond like normal people.  Wow.  I HATE MY MOTHER (to be referred to here on out as The Bitch).  Who knew?  LMCAO

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Mental Illness, Relationships, Therapy | 1 Comment

Post navigation

One thought on “If you hate your mother, raise your hand!!

  1. I have had issues with my mother for as long as I can remember and I blame her sometimes as well for the way I am. My mother isn’t a very understanding person and seems to think my mental health issues are all my fault. I asked her the other day if she really thought that I wanted to be like this, to be sad and anxious all the time and she actually had the audacity to say yes. I don’t hate my mother, but I strongly dislike her and it’s a known fact she aggravates my condition if anything. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to deal with her anymore. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has mom issues.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: