To link my blog, or not…?

I’m thinking about linking this blog to my Facebook account.  So far this blog has been anonymous.  Well, sort of.  There may be one or two people on Twitter (which has my real name) who know about this blog, but they don’t know me “in real life”.  I don’t even have my email address linked to this blog.  I created a separate email account with a fake name so no one would accidentally come across my blog and know it was me.

I haven’t wanted my family to see this blog.  That feeling is slowly changing.  With this time of year messing me up, I feel like it would be a relief for me to let them see what I really think and feel about everything.  Maybe THEN they would believe me when I say they have hurt me.  Or, maybe they won’t.  Maybe they will just be mad that I posted this blog, and then made it public.  Maybe they would be so mad  that THEY would do what I haven’t had the guts to do and cut off contact with me.  They would be angry at what they found to be “false” memories and accusations.  They would be angry because now other people would know what has been going on in the family.  My parents/family may be able to discount some because they don’t want to believe/remember the truth, but I doubt they could turn a blind eye to all that I have said.  How could they completely disregard all that I’ve been saying?

But they could.  I have addressed these things in the past to no avail.  They made me feel like what I said was either wrong, or didn’t matter.  I could really be let down if I tried to use this as a way to validate my feelings.  I suppose my husband and therapist have validated me enough so that I don’t care if I am also validated by my family.  LMCAO  Wouldn’t it be nice if that were true?

I could also be completely crushed if there was no reaction.  They way I see it, there are several options here:  1)  They will read the blog, see what I say is truth, apologize for hurting me, and we will reconcile.  2)  They will read the blog, think I am 100% full of it, get mad, bad-mouth me to the entire family, and no one will ever talk to me again.  3)  They will read the blog, see part of it as truth, but completely discount it since they don’t agree with it completely.  4)  They may or may not read the blog, but I will never know as they won’t address it, sweeping it under the rug with everything else.

It would hurt me the most if option 4 is what occurred.  This needs to be addressed, but I am too much of a chicken to say anything after the last attempts.  What I would really like to happen is option 2.  I thought it was option 1, but being close to family members would just tire me out.  Having to be fake and put on the happy front all the time.  Having to remember birthdays.  Having to return phone calls and emails.  Having to visit and spend time with them.  No thanks.  Let’s just trim the fat right now.  They are not worth the effort of “family time”.  I just want them out of my life, and out of my thoughts.

I am still not sure about linking this blog to my Facebook account.  I guess I will continue to consider it.  I would appreciate any comments or advice anyone has on this topic.  BTW – Sorry I keep bringing up all this family stuff, but I don’t see it ending anytime soon.  It should either end after Christmas (once all the holidays are over!!) or when/if I post this blog and the shit storm starts.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Mental Illness, Thoughts | Tags: | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “To link my blog, or not…?

  1. I never linked my blog to FB because I always wanted to remain anonymous. And then last week I up and deleted my FB account entirely because I thought 99% of the people I was “friends” with were really just asshats.

    • Every day I consider deleting my FB account. I never interact with anyone on there, and all it does is depress me when I do log on. FB sucks! lol 🙂

      • So kill it and stop getting depressed! I feel liberated now not feeling like I have to check it all the time. I only really miss hearing from one person on there and I’ve got her email address so I can strike up a conversation that way.

  2. Tallulah "Lulu" Stark

    Don’t. Seriously. If they didn’t take it well in private, then it will be even worse if it’s public. I tried to go public with some of my stuff once and my family was furious. That was before I had a blog. I was married, and my mother waited until I was showing until she had to fess up to friends and family that I was 16 weeks pregnant. And she lied to them and said I waited because I wanted to make sure I didn’t miscarry first. I had no fertility problems!

    Just don’t. Get a fake FB. That’s what I did. And now, I’m slowly introducing friends and family.

    • Thanks for your input. The way I’m feeling right now, I WANT to make them mad. LOL I will definitely wait so I can approach this with a clear head and be reasonable. I’ll keep what you said in mind.

      • I hear you there. But, like I say to people I love, there are just some words that you can never take back. And just getting a whiff of your family situation reminds me of my own. I’m glad you’re keeping a level head. I know you want to make them mad. I wanted to make mind mad too. Instead, I moved away, and tried to forget about them!

  3. A couple things this leaves me wondering: what is the purpose of this blog, for you? And what is the purpose of it being anonymous?

    From there, what would the goal be of linking it to Facebook? Do you merely want to tell your family about your thoughts, or do you want to bring them to the wider attention of others that you know?

    If you can answer some of this, you may find it easier to make your decision. It’s interesting that you are creating scenarios for the consequences of linking this blog to Facebook, yet those consequences only involve your family directly. What will you do if NONE of those scenarios play out?

    This isn’t an easy decision, and it’s not one anyone can make for you. You’re considering sacrificing your anonymity – something that seems important to you – and it’s likely that will have wide-reaching consequences.

    • I appreciate your reply. I have thought about it (thanks in part to your questions!), and I’ve decided not to link this blog to Facebook. I don’t think I would want to share some of this with ppl who actually know me. Not to mention, I don’t think it would be in anyway beneficial, except for my temporary happiness at hurting my family with my words.

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