I’m surprised my husband still loves me.

My husband gave me a very nice day yesterday, leading me to believe that, despite everything we’ve been going through lately, he still loves me and is committed to me.  He built a fire for me in the evening, and we sat around it for a few hours, just enjoying being outside.  We cooked our dinner in the fire, too.  It helped me to build positive experiences which is a DBT skill that I definitely struggle with due to my negative outlook on everything.  What really meant a lot to me about yesterday, though, was when I tried to tell him how stressed out I was, and how I felt like I was reaching the limit of what I could handle, if I hadn’t reached it already.  He saw how upset I got, and, instead of talking about it with me, which would have probably made me feel MORE overwhelmed, he told me to sit on the couch, and we found a movie to watch.  I have found that watching TV helps to distract me and calm me down.  Him suggesting a movie was probably the best thing he could have done for me at the moment.

Lately things I have been very hard on my husband, not meaning to, but still being nasty.  He is not getting the attention that he deserves.  He has been going through some hard times of his own, and I have only been focused on mine.  I try to remember to think about him (how horrible did that just sound?), but I am so consumed with how miserable I am feeling, it seems that there is not room for anything else.  I feel guilty that I am not being the proper wife, and have not been for a while.  I feel guilty about how nasty and negative I am towards him, even when he tries to be nice.  It means a lot when he shows me that he still cares.  I don’t think that I deserve it, but I am so thankful that he is still around, and he still loves me.  I hope one day soon I will be able to start showing him again how much he means to me.

Categories: Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depressed, Marriage, Mental Illness, Stress | 1 Comment

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One thought on “I’m surprised my husband still loves me.

  1. Jaen Wirefly

    I feel guilty too that my husband spends so much time taking care of my needs and neglecting his own. I try to be a good wife but sometimes I’m just too unhappy.

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