Last night I received that Facebook message from my mother. Jay was angry about it and wanted to “take care of things”. By this he meant shooting off a lot of nasty Facebook messages to my mother. Even though her message was not nasty. Even though she doesn’t understand how twisted up I am about things. Even though this is MY battle to fight.
I was about to go to bed last night when I saw her message. I wasn’t sure at the time how to respond. I wrote a little post about the message and how I was confused and unsure of how to proceed. Before I went to bed Jay was begging me to let him send her a message. I told him absolutely not. This is, after all, up to me to take care of. He asked several more times. I finally told him we could talk about it in the morning, and went to bed when he agreed not to do anything. Well, he decided he couldn’t handle waiting and seeing how I wanted to handle things. He sent my mother at least a dozen Facebook messages filled with cursing and dripping with hate.
This isn’t the first time he’s gone off on them. He has done it many times before. He drinks a little too much, gets a hair up his ass, and thinks it’s his job to tell them off. I’m sure at this point they pretty much ignore everything he says…which is why him doing this and lashing out has totally FUCKED me. What can I say now? Anything I say will be discounted because crazy Jay has already said it, and it has been ignored. He DOES come off as sounding crazy. It makes it very hard for people to listen to him and take him seriously. Now, anything I say to my parents will not be taken seriously. I cannot say anything because he has essentially said it for me.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to respond. I was going to talk to my therapist about it. I thought about bringing it up in DBT group. Now it doesn’t matter. I have had my choice taken away from me. Most likely I would have used this opportunity to tell my parents and siblings they could either be in my life or not, but that I can’t take this in and out crap. Now it doesn’t matter. Jay has decided to act “in my best interest”, so I am now unable to do anything. The messages should have come from ME. Now all it’s going to look like to my parents is that, once again, mean horrible Jay is standing in the way of their relationship with their daughter. Once again he is trying to control me and keep me from them. Because he decided to fly off the handle and act hastily, they will not know that THEY are standing in the way of a relationship with their daughter. Now they won’t know that I want them out of my life. Now all they will see is that Jay is stepping in to “control” me the way they always thought he was. Once again, they are now able to blame everything on Jay and keep deluding themselves that they have done nothing wrong. What the hell am I supposed to do now?