I had my DBT group yesterday. It wasn’t much of a “group” as it was just me and TWO therapists. Talk about feeling ganged up on! Since I was the only one there, I brought up the issues I am having with my family. I asked the main group leader if I should try using D.E.A.R. M.A.N. to address my family. As I was asking the question, I said, “Well, I guess I need to know what I want to do, first.” I was then told that I should try using Wise Mind. That is a skill that I have not learned yet, so I had it explained to me.
Basically, I need to look at the FACTS of this situation and not just rely on my emotions. My therapist astutely pointed out that I tend to lean towards the emotional side of things (“Lean”? More like totally fallen over on that side – LMCAO). She suggested that I make a list of the FACTS. List the FACTS of mine and my parents’ and siblings’ relationships. List the FACTS of what has happened with us. List things that have been said. List things that have been done. I’m not supposed to focus on the emotional, or how I am feeling. Just the cold, hard FACTS.
I spent the day perfecting my list. I considered posting it, but it is really very very long, and I seriously doubt that ANYONE wants to read that (expect for Crazy Jay, that is). Basically, it is all negative. There is very little positive on the list. The only positive FACTS of our relationship are that my parents’ have helped me out with money, car rides, paying bills, and getting me a dentist appointment. The downside is that they always used me needing help as a time to butt in. They felt that if they gave me money, that meant they could lecture me about it. If they helped me, that meant they had some sort of say in my life. They felt their help equaled control. The help that they gave me was NEVER worth the cost I had to suffer through paying.
I have decided I am done with them. They are nothing but a drain on me, even when they aren’t actually interacting/emailing with me. Any time I think of them or talk about them, all I feel is anger, resentment, hurt and disappointment. It’s just not worth it. My family is my husband and my dog. I have moved on from the people in Virginia. We share the same blood, but that’s it.
I just two seconds ago got a lengthy email from my sister. I’m not even going to read it. Sorry. Too little, waaaay too late.