It really is over

I’m going to bug everyone ONE LAST TIME with a post about family stuff.

Last night, after I posted this talking about my “wise mind” list regarding my family and my relationship with them, I received an email from my mother.  Now, I initially wasn’t going to read it, but I saw that it had something to do with my upcoming birthday.  I was sucked in.  I opened it, and quickly (VERY quickly) skimmed the email.  It was pretty long.  I’m not sure what all was said, but I did see part of it.  The section that caught my eye was her asking me if we could contact each other more often.  She suggested taking a specific day each week and either writing a letter or sending an email.

My first thought was, “Oh, no!  She’s trying to have a relationship, so now I am going to have to be involved with her again.  She’s making an effort, so that means I have to.”  My next thought was about how exhausting it was going to be to be involved with her again.  My NEXT thought was, “Well, this really doesn’t change anything.”  After all, the list I made for my DBT skill of Wise Mind yesterday was still 99% negative.  The family in VA is still a drain on me.  They still only inspire negative thoughts.  They are still harmful to my mental health.

As I thought through my feelings last night, I realized that I really am over all this.  I didn’t feel hopeful at the thought of communicating with my mother and the rest of my family again.  I felt like it was ONE MORE THING I was going to have to deal with.  One more situation I’m going to have to learn a skill for in order to muddle through.  One more thing that is going to weigh on me.  One more thing that is going to depress, upset, and anger me.  One more thing that I don’t need.

I really am done with them.  I see my mother and my sister reaching out to me now, whatever their motivation may be.  It really doesn’t matter, though.  I really am finished with this pain.  I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I think this may be the first step in healing my mental health:  Getting rid of toxic people.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, DBT, Mental Illness, Relationships, Therapy | Tags: , | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “It really is over

  1. Well, you know how I feel about them…but this is not about me.

    TRULY, I think you made the right decision. I have seen how crazy they make you. I know how difficult it has been. I also know how hard you have worked.

    For what it’s worth, I am very proud of you.

  2. I am so glad to hear!!! That was a very wise decision. I have to do the same with my family, because they are a drain on my precious emotional resources. I feel like I give, and I get nothing. Actually, I do get something. A drain. More than a drain, more like a suction of my self-esteem, life, essence, whatever you want to call it. It’s always the feeling of that after a hard cry of the stinging and burning and soreness and fatigue.

    It’s difficult, and it’s something that has to be worked at. I know, because I have found that I’d get over it, and then I’d slip right back into it. Mindfulness for sure. You go, girl!

    • Thanks for your comments and support! I have cut them off in the past, but that was rashly done and out of anger. This time I really thought about it, weighed the pros and cons, and decided I’m much better off without them. I’m glad to hear you have gotten rid of your drain, as well. 🙂

      • It was the same for me in my past. It was always done out of anger and in response to something they had done. True, my father kind of threw the straw that broke the camel’s back this time, but it was a lot of little things that had accumulated. The story is long and boring, so I’ll spare you.

        Isn’t it nice to be free of that nonsense?

      • OMG – So very nice!! 🙂

  3. It’s always a hard decision to cut people out of your life but you know what? from what I’ve read it’s the best and really only thing you can do to stop the anguish and anger that they cause you. I hope you find some peace once you cut this cord and that you can focus on getting yourself to a point where your happy.
    I would say one thing, if in the future your contacted by them (far in the future) unless they can show they are willing to change how they behave then tread carefully. xx

    • Thanks! I really do feel good about this decision. I think it will be the best thing in the long run. I feel like I’m finally free. I’ve blocked their email addresses so I don’t even have to worry about future contact. I have made my decision, and I’m sticking with it! 🙂

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