My husband and I have decided not to have children. Not ever. This was a conscious decision that we made before we got married. There are oh-so-many reasons for us NOT to have children. It really was a no-brainer. The following reasons are not in order of importance. ALL of these reasons for us not reproducing are equally important. Also, this list is not all-inclusive.
1) Neither of us wants children. I did quite a bit of babysitting when I was in middle and high school. I learned that I do not have the patience to deal with children. Jay raised a child with his first wife from the age of 2 or 3 until the boy was 18-ish. His thought is “Been there, done that!” Not to mention, we just don’t want the hassle that comes with a kid. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true. Better we know that before we get pregnant and then take it out on the child who didn’t ask to be born.
2) Neither of us believes that we would be good, or even semi-decent parents. Jay has a temper. I have a temper. I’m afraid that I would be verbally and physically abusive. I think that I would lose my patience, get frustrated, and end up shaking the baby. Or hitting it. Or throwing it across the room. Or throwing something across the room to hit the baby. Or playing “Kick the Baby!”. I can imagine that I would smack the smart-ass out of the kid as it got older. I would also probably be very nasty and demeaning to it. That’s the way I know how to deal with people. I’m sure I would treat an underage person no differently.
3) We don’t want to pass on our crazy genes. I know that it is debatable as to whether or not Borderline Personality Disorder is a genetic thing. I do think that our child would be more likely to have it, as both Jay and I have been diagnosed with BPD. Our behavior alone would be enough to screw the kid up. Not to mention, Jay also has Bipolar. I’m not sure if that is genetic or not. No sense risking it, though. Whether our fictional child would be BORN with mental issues is unsure. We are both pretty certain, however, that we would slowly, but surely, fuck this child up beyond repair. I doubt Obamacare would cover the necessary therapies.
4) We don’t want the responsibility. Both of us are realistic enough to know that having a child is a life-long commitment. You will always be a parent. There is no getting out of that. Not to mention the expense. We want to be able to buy what we want, and not have to put someone else first. It’s hard enough to deal with the dog’s expenses, and I’m pretty sure a baby would cost a lot more. If the choice came down to buying a new book or buying diapers, we would have to buy diapers. If the choice came down to buying cigarettes or crayons for a school project, I’m pretty sure the crayons would have to win.
5) We don’t need the added stress in our lives. Having a baby has got to be incredibly stressful and intense. And continuous. You can’t tell it to stop crying for the next hour while you sleep. I don’t think I would do too well operating on little to no sleep. I need sleep to help regulate my emotions. Any extra stress would most likely be my undoing, too. A child would just be too much for us. Sometimes I get overly stressed about having to take care of our dog. A child would not be good.
I have had many people try to change my mind over the years. I am not going to change my mind. People come up with the most asinine reasons to procreate, too. One guy said to me, “Think of your parents! Don’t they want grandchildren?” What a ridiculous reason to have a child. To please someone else? I can see looking at the child and being filled with regret and resentment if I just had it to placate my birth family. People need to have children because THEY want children, not for any other reason. Not to make someone else happy or to fill them with love. Not to fix a difficult marriage.
I think mental illness is on the rise partly because so many woman now-a-days are acting as baby factories. They just pop out children without a thought to the consequences. If someone is raised in a hostile or unloving environment, it is very likely they will have some sort of emotional issues. How would it affect YOU if you knew as a child that one or both of your parents didn’t really want you? That you were a drain on them, financially and emotionally.
People really need to have children for the right reasons, otherwise more people in the future will go through life feeling neglected, unloved, and unwanted. What kind of world would that look like?