I am using this post as a DBT skill at the moment. This will be my attempt at Opposite Action. I don’t know much about opposite action, besides the fact that I HATE it! Apparently you are supposed to do exactly what it sounds like: Take what you WANTED to do and instead, do the opposite. I was fighting with my husband last night. It was pretty crappy. Then this morning was better, but still not great. What I WANT to do right now is wallow in the bad feelings I have for him. I want to think about the mean things he said and how he acted towards me. All the negative ways, anyway.
Instead, I am going to write about how my life has recently improved due to Jay. I am going to write about his awesomeness and the ways that he is helping me, instead of thinking about all the bad things he’s done and said.
Jay has been a lot softer with me lately. When I get crazy and lash out, he has been doing a wonderful job of letting me shoot off some steam (though not too much – LOL), and not getting upset back. I may make a couple stupid comments, but he understands they weren’t made as a result of something wrong with him, and he lets them roll off his back. He has been helping me build positive experiences, another DBT skill I’m trying to master. We go to the park with the dog and play for a while. He builds a fire in the pit he made for me in the backyard. He spends the day cleaning so I don’t come home to clutter.
Jay is really going out of his way to make sure my days are easy and pleasant. When I get home at night, he gives me a little time to unwind in front of the TV before launching into the daily political news. He loves loves LOVES politics and all the historical aspects of it. He used to bombard me with facts and names and dates and places and AHHH!!! I couldn’t follow him. He gave so much detail that I couldn’t focus on his message. He understands that stresses me out, and has toned back some of the detail he provides, making it easier for my brain to function.
He is an amazing husband and a strong Christian man, and has been very beneficial for me, these past few weeks especially. His actions have made me feel so much better. I can breathe again. I can see hope. And the hope I see is our marriage. I know that we have been through a lot. More in our nine years than a lot of couples face in their entire lifetimes together. I know that since we got through this past six months, we can get past anything. I know that God has not brought us together and brought us through so much just to let us fail.
God has given me the best husband He could for me, and Jay doesn’t hear it enough. I can’t imagine being without him. He has helped me through this time, even while struggling with his own debilitating mental problems. He has stood up and responded to me in ways that even a “normal” person wouldn’t be able to do as well.
I feel a lot better now. I wasn’t too keen on starting this post, but my mood has been turned. I love you, Crazy Jay, always and forever! BTW – he needs more views at his blog. Check him out HERE!