More Compassion, Less Judgment

A co-worker took me to lunch today.  It was very nice, especially since I was a little upset that I am unable to attend my DBT group this afternoon.  It kept me distracted and not thinking about what I was missing.  On the way back to the office, somehow the topic of our conversation landed on suicide.  My co-worker (who is an older country lady) started ranting and raving about how horrible suicide is.  Not for the person suffering so much that they turn to suicide, but for the loved ones left after the hurting person kills themselves.  She kept saying how it is such a selfish thing to do, and how horrible it is that the person didn’t think of their family and kids.

I really wanted to speak up, especially as one who has seriously contemplated suicide in the not-so-distant past.  I didn’t, though.  I wimped out. 

What I WANTED to say was that of COURSE the person who killed themselves didn’t think of their family or loved ones.  Of COURSE they didn’t!  They were too focused on the pain.  When you are considering suicide, all you can think about is how much it hurts to continue with your life.  All you can think about is how painful it is to live, and whether you have the strength to continue.

My co-worker said, “I don’t care how bad TODAY is, tomorrow will always be better.”  Obviously that was said by someone who doesn’t struggle with mental illness or extreme emotional pain.  When I was considering suicide, I couldn’t see that things would get better.  All I could see was how bad things were, and that there didn’t seem to be a way out.  There was no “light at the end of the tunnel” in my damaged mind.

Of course I am not condoning suicide.  I just think that everyone needs to really consider what all may be going on that they can’t see.  My co-worker thought suicide was the worst possible thing a person could do.  How selfish and foolish a person would be to even consider killing themselves.  Here’s my thought, and what others need to contemplate before shooting off their mouths:  How bad must it be for that person to think about ending their life?  How incredibly despondent and hopeless must they feel to think killing themselves is the proper alternative to living?  Again, I am NOT saying that suicide is right and good and fine and acceptable.  But maybe what that person needs is a little kindness and compassion if they threaten suicide.  Judgment is not going to keep them from hurting themselves.  It may very well just drive them over the edge.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depressed, Mental Illness | Tags: , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “More Compassion, Less Judgment

  1. mrsmmmbop

    Very insightful post. I believe you are spot on. I think WE ALL need less judgement and more compassion because you never know what someone else is struggling with. And we’re ALL struggling in some way.

    • Thanks for your comment. So true that you never know what one person may be struggling with, and we are ALL struggling with something! All the more reason to be kind to everyone.

  2. jackie

    I love what you said because it is soooo TRUE!!! Peoples compassionless comments make me CRAZY!! Even my husbands – if someone you love is hurting – find out about it! – Read about it – learn about it – the woman you work with sounds like someone who is uneducated and has no desire to inform herself before she starts shooting off her mouth. And – you are right – people who are without compassion for those suffering mentally – (understandable tho – because you can’t feel that kind of pain unless you have ever FELT that kind of pain) then please all you “uninformed” and “ignorant” people of mental illness – KEEP YOUR MOUTHS SHUT BECAUSE YOU COULD BE THE CAUSE OF SOME ONE ENDING THEIR LIFE WITH YOUR COMPASSIONLESS RANT! Ok – I guess it does piss me off – I was just diagnosed with BPD and in a late stage of my life – I still haven’t recovered from the news – my whole world got thrown – and I am grasping to put it all back together – and the pain is so intense that it feels like I have a heavy cast iron anchor pressing into my heart – such an ache!!!! and of course my husband just won’t accept it – he is trying a bit now – because I had to pack my bag and leave for a week because the things he was saying to me (and I had finally opened up to him) – truly made me want to shoot myself in the head!! – BPDs already feel weak and full of self loathing – so please you cold hearts SHUT THE F UP! Hope others are getting the support they need – good luck to everyone – BPDs tend to have too much compassion and overly feel for our loved ones whereas we feel completely left out in the cold when in need (my experience anyway). XO

  3. smackdab

    Been there and almost did it. I was married to a woman without empathy and compassion for her husband. Fell into depression and thoughts of worthlessness. Received treatment for my mental condition and ended up in worse shape following woman filing for divorce. I was in a bad spot for sure. Never in my life had I ever thought of suicide. Strange nonetheless. All about beating myself up for being let go at a job. Tumbled down from there. After divorce i have my times, but nowhere near what I had experienced a few years ago. Being out of that marriage probably saved my life. Now I have a deep understanding of people and their struggles. Strange how the mind works.

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