Was I Really Ever THAT Sick?

Today I told my DBT group about my job offer and upcoming move.  I was pretty nervous about it.  It seems that anytime I tell someone about a big change in my life, or a major decision, they tell me it’s a bad idea and try to talk me out of it.  Everyone else seems to think that they know how to live my life better than I do. Nosey co-workers included. I didn’t need to worry. The entire group (which today was just one other person and two therapists) was very excited for me. They congratulated me and told me what an awesome opportunity this was for me. My therapists told me that since I have Marsha Linehan’s DBT workbook, I should do just fine. They said I was able to go through it on my own.

That got me thinking: What if I really wasn’t that sick to begin with? What if I didn’t really need help?

I guess I know deep down that this is not the case. I’ve read over some of my early blogs from before I started any therapy. Some were pretty dark and disturbing. I’m glad that I wrote them. It gives me the opportunity to look back and see how I’ve grown and changed. It shows me all the skills I’ve learned and how much they help me.

When I began my DBT group, I was wondering if there was any hope for me. I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel better, or know how to act like a normal human being. I thought it would take more than three to four months before I started feeling better.

The fact is, though, that I was very bad off. I am positive that DBT and removing negative influences have saved my life. I hope I never forget what bad shape I was in. That will make me continue to appreciate the difference in my life today, and in the future.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, DBT, Health, Mental Illness, Therapy | Tags: , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Was I Really Ever THAT Sick?

  1. I’m really glad to hear you’ve been in therapy. Have you found the group therapy works well? I’ve come to realization that I need it too.

    The darkness (in my opinion) never really leaves us, and serves as a potent reminder of how bad life can get. It equally helps to appreciate life all the more when we’re able.

    I imagine you did need the help; the fact that you’ve helped yourself with resources that were inside you all the while doesn’t change that fact. You needed someone to have faith in you, and help you realize the healing that you can do for yourself.

    Well done.

    Incidentally, people don’t like change, which is quite possibly why everyone tries to talk you out of it.

    • I absolutely believe that the group therapy is helpful. I was hesitant at first, because I don’t like being around people, but it worked well for me. It was a small group that gave me the place to share safely without feeling judged, and to get support from people who were going through very similar things. I would absolutely recommend finding a group. My group was Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, but I’m not sure what else is out there. Anything that let’s you talk about your issues with supportive people is ok in my book, though!

  2. Good for you for working hard in therapy and getting to this point! You’ve earned it. But don’t doubt yourself that you were sick in the first place!

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