Using Wise Mind to Breathe Easy

I shared about my exciting upcoming move earlier this week.  I was called and offered the position on Monday.  Since then, I have not heard anything about it.  Everything is still pretty up in the air.  I don’t know WHEN I will be moving.  I’m not quite sure HOW I will be moving, regarding the various expenses.  I don’t know WHERE we will be living when we do move.

The woman who offered me the position told me to speak with my current supervisor and see when he would be able to let me go.  I spoke with him that very day, and he told me that he would contact the woman that afternoon.

Before he had a chance to contact her, he had a family emergency that caused him to leave the state and spend most of the time he was out in the hospital with his injured son.

When I know something is going to happen, I am ready for it to happen RIGHT AWAY.  I am eager.  I am excited.  If things are not actively moving forward, though, I feel like it won’t happen.  That’s how I’ve been feeling this week regarding my job offer.  I was extremely excited on Monday, but after not hearing anything about it Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday (and most likely not today, either), I am now feeling like this upcoming move and awesome new job opportunity are not going to happen after all.  I feel like there must be some major problem I don’t know about, and the higher-ups in charge are not telling me.

In my head, I know this is not the case.  I know that my supervisor has had more pressing things on his mind then when I will be starting the next step in my life, and my career.  I understand that his son’s health and well-being is more important than me transferring to another state.  At least, I’d LIKE to understand that.

I decided the way to stop fretting about it, to just let it go, and understand that there are more important things going on in the world than ME (who knew?) was to use the skill of Wise Mind.  Wise mind has helped me make a difficult decision in the past.  It helped me differentiate between what I was feeling and my tangled mess of emotions, and what were the actual FACTS of the situation.

When using wise mind, to the best of my understanding, anyway, you are supposed to list the facts of what is going on.  Write down what is actually happening in your life that is causing you distress.  Only the facts, though.  Leave your feelings, thoughts, and emotions out of it.  Wise mind has no room for waffling emotions.  Plus, it’s the EMOTION in the situation that leaves us confused, unsure of how to proceed, and with a wrong idea of what is actually happening.

I listed out all the facts of the current situation I am in.  I felt better after looking them over.  The job offer has not been rescinded.  I am not in trouble.  I did not do anything wrong.  I am still going to be moving to West Virginia.  I don’t know WHEN all of this is happening yet, but I was able to assure myself that, apart from an act of God, I will be moving, and I will be taking this job offer.  I don’t need to worry that something has changed just because no one has approached me about it again.  I even gave myself a plan of action at the end of my wise mind list.  I am going to speak to my supervisor when he is back in the office on Monday.  I am going to ask him when he thinks he can let me go, talk to him about the things I can do to make the transition easier for him, and I am going to remind him to contact the woman who offered me the position.

Now that I have this all sorted out in my head logically, and am not weighed down by the emotional stress of not knowing, I can breathe a little easier, and refocus my attention on other things.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, DBT, Mental Illness, Work | Tags: , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Using Wise Mind to Breathe Easy

  1. Wow! This post was so timely for me as I am in job transition too. I have been freaking out so I am going to try this technique tonight! Thanks!

  2. Pingback: Quite Content With a Life Lacking People « Struggling with BPD

  3. Pingback: My Wise Mind Abounds « Struggling with BPD

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