I had an amazingly productive weekend. I felt so good, I decided to do some cleaning and organizing in preparation for our move. Ever since I started this job back in February, Jay has taken over the cleaning. I haven’t had to do dishes, sweep, pick up trash or anything like that in many many months. It’s a good thing Jay stepped up to do the cleaning, because I know that I never felt like it when I would get home. Not only have I been working roughly ten hours a day since February, but I have been in such a funk, that I would rather sit in piles of dirty dishes and filth instead of getting off the couch and doing some cleaning. There have been several times that Jay would let the house go for a few days while he was in his state of depression. Even then, when we had no clean dishes and would have to wash a fork if we needed to use one or the mound of trash was so high we could go skiing down it, I would not clean. I have not felt like it. If I was not overly tired from working, I was angry, depressed, or agitated. I have been in no mood to clean for at least the last six months.
When I woke up on Saturday, I was feeling motivated and energized. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. I had the bathroom scrubbed down before 8am! What a way to start the weekend! I then proceeded to clean out the bedroom, clean out the bookcase in the living room, go through the cabinets, and take care of the junk sitting around in boxes. I threw out the things that we didn’t need so that we will only be taking things with us that we actually use when we move to West Virginia. By early afternoon I was relaxing in front of the TV with a glass of wine, very pleased with my accomplishments for the day.
This is just one more way I can tell that I’m feeling better. When I’m upset or depressed, the last thing I can motivate myself to do is cleaning or organizing of any kind. I can barely drag my ass into the shower to clean myself, much less the rest of my house. I have been feeling AWESOME this past month, and I strongly believe that a decision I made in mid September has a lot to do with it. I have removed negative influences from my life and I am concentrating on DBT skills.
Several months ago, I didn’t think there was any hope. I thought I would be in lost in the fog of anger and despair forever. I didn’t think I would ever feel anything positive again. I’m so glad I was wrong.