Getting Out of My Borderline Funk


I had an amazingly productive weekend.  I felt so good, I decided to do some cleaning and organizing in preparation for our move.  Ever since I started this job back in February, Jay has taken over the cleaning.  I haven’t had to do dishes, sweep, pick up trash or anything like that in many many months.  It’s a good thing Jay stepped up to do the cleaning, because I know that I never felt like it when I would get home.  Not only have I been working roughly ten hours a day since February, but I have been in such a funk, that I would rather sit in piles of dirty dishes and filth instead of getting off the couch and doing some cleaning.  There have been several times that Jay would let the house go for a few days while he was in his state of depression.  Even then, when we had no clean dishes and would have to wash a fork if we needed to use one or the mound of trash was so high we could go skiing down it, I would not clean.  I have not felt like it.  If I was not overly tired from working, I was angry, depressed, or agitated.  I have been in no mood to clean for at least the last six months.

When I woke up on Saturday, I was feeling motivated and energized.  Something I haven’t felt in a long time.  I had the bathroom scrubbed down before 8am!  What a way to start the weekend!  I then proceeded to clean out the bedroom, clean out the bookcase in the living room, go through the cabinets, and take care of the junk sitting around in boxes.  I threw out the things that we didn’t need so that we will only be taking things with us that we actually use when we move to West Virginia.  By early afternoon I was relaxing in front of the TV with a glass of wine, very pleased with my accomplishments for the day.

This is just one more way I can tell that I’m feeling better.  When I’m upset or depressed, the last thing I can motivate myself to do is cleaning or organizing of any kind.  I can barely drag my ass into the shower to clean myself, much less the rest of my house.  I have been feeling AWESOME this past month, and I strongly believe that a decision I made in mid September has a lot to do with it.  I have removed negative influences from my life and I am concentrating on DBT skills.

Several months ago, I didn’t think there was any hope.  I thought I would be in lost in the fog of anger and despair forever.  I didn’t think I would ever feel anything positive again.  I’m so glad I was wrong.

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Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, DBT, Life, Mental Illness | Tags: , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Getting Out of My Borderline Funk

  1. I am so happy you feel better…energetic and all. Seeing as how winter is easy down here, wood is cheap so, in anticipation of our move to mountains, I had a cord of firewood delivered this afternoon. GOOD THING, too! With all the cleaning you accomplished over the weekend I was worried you would be bored this Saturday.

    Happy Splitting. Watch out for spiders.

    • I’m pretty sure when we got married, you agreed to do all the work outside the house, and I would do the work inside the house. I know I’m working now and don’t do any cleaning inside the house, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are supposed to take care of the outside stuff. Not to mention all the experience you have. I think I would just do a bad job at splitting wood. You’re so much better at it than me! (Guess who I learned that from? LOL)

  2. But BAaaaaaaaaby…come onnnnnn…..My BACK! ……..Besides, I just want to make sure you are not bored. Idle hands are the devil’s playground, you know.

    If I have to, though…fine. as long as I can have one of those shiny double-edged shiny LUMBERJACK axes. I’m a LUMBERJACK and it’s ok! I like their shirts!….and their big shiny axes! It will come in handy when society collapses and roving mobs rule the streets!

    WHOOP! WHOOP!

    • Man, you are a special kind of crazy…but I guess you knew that already, hence the “WHOOP WHOOP”!! LMCAO

  3. Pingback: My Descent into Madness « Struggling with BPD

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