This afternoon in my DBT group we were talking about Wise Mind. I’ve talked about wise mind some HERE and HERE. From what I understand, wise mind is the meeting between your emotional mind and your rational mind. In your emotional mind, you are just focused on what you are FEELING and not so much on the facts. One of the girls in my group said that being in emotion mind is like blinding you to reality. When you are in rational mind, you are focused on the facts. What is actually true and actually happening. Some examples of being in rational mind are taking a test, giving a speech, looking up data, working on a budget, etc. When using wise mind, you are getting some information from your emotions, and some information from the actual facts.
My therapist said that using wise mind can be a very effective skill when dealing with other people. Then she said that, whether we have realized it yet or not, people are going to be a part of our lives. She said that when one is seeking a life worth living (which is the main point of DBT), people are going to be involved. If you want a job or career, a family, friends, or an education, you are going to have to deal with people.
I would agree that people will be part of my life and I cannot avoid it. As long as I am working, or going to the grocery store, I am going to have to deal with people. I don’t think that I need to let people into my life enough to be worth using my emotion regulation or interpersonal relationship skills on them, though. I am quite confident that I can keep people at arm’s length and not have to worry about it too much. The only person that matters in my life is Crazy Jay, and I intend on keeping it that way.
Not only are people quite exhausting to be around, as discussed HERE, but I really don’t care about other people. I have decided who I am going to invest my time in, and I am unwilling to add more people to the mix.
I don’t know if I am like this because I am not around people a lot, or if I am not around people a lot because I am like this, but I really just don’t care about other people. I really don’t. I know how that sounds. I know what kind of person this makes me, but I am unconcerned. I am not willing to put my time and energy into people when I know I am not going to get what I want in the end. I do not care enough to ask a co-worker about their sick child, even after said co-worker has been out for a week taking care of that child. I do not care enough to ask why I haven’t seen someone in a few days. I do not care enough to ask about the cast on their arm.
As I write this, something else comes to mind. As a sufferer of borderline personality disorder, I am aware that I see the world through my black-and-white-but-never-gray glasses. There is no in-between. I feel that if I put a lot of time and effort into people, I will just be disappointed in the end, therefore I will put NO effort into people. Instead of reaching out to others and setting myself up for more hurt and pain, I will just withdraw and not have to worry about it.
I know that this would make a lonely life for some, but I am perfectly content with all the occupants of my small world. I go to work and (grudgingly) interact with people there. I spend the rest of my time with Jay and our dog…Our little fambly! I will continue to practice using wise mind. If it will help me better interact with my fambly, I’m all for it!