I had a dentist appointment this morning. I got out of it about two hours ago, but I still can’t shake the panic and the fear. While I was there I was doing ok. I was trying to breathe mindfully, and while I breathed out, I said the word in my head that calms me down. Not very original, but I use the word “relax”. While my teeth were being scrapped at and I was worried they would be yanked right out of my head, I was trying to focus on every nook and cranny on the ceiling and the speaker above my head. It helped that the dental assistant was very nice. The entire experience actually went well, which shocked me because I have NEVER had any kind of decent experience at the dentist.
Then I was told that I need five teeth extracted. FIVE. Four of them are wisdom teeth, but I seriously doubt that makes the procedure any easier. I’m at work right now. Have been for almost two hours. I’m completely freaking out. I’m shaking so much I can barely hold anything, much less write. I can’t think about anything except for my upcoming oral surgery…which is THIS FRIDAY!!!! I tried to talk to someone about it when I got out of my appointment, but they were unavailable. Now I’m unavailable, because I’m at work. I came into work almost three hours late, so it’s not like I can take some time to walk off and make a phone call. I’m sitting here, trying not to cry. It’s not really working. I’m trying to focus on my job and the work I need to do, but unfortunately there is not that much I can do. Most of my workload depends on what the other slackers in my office get done, and they have not been producing lately. I have been trying to distract myself by going to various internet news sites I enjoy, but I can’t focus. I even thought if I read about wisdom teeth being removed and what to expect, it might help me calm down. NOPE. DID. NOT. WORK.
I’ve had a tooth removed before, but it was local anesthetic. There wasn’t much pain, just pressure. The entire experience made me very emotional, though. I left in tears. Not because it hurt. I was just extremely emotional. This is going to be actual surgery. Put me to sleep surgery. Can’t drive home surgery. Can’t eat or drink for 8 hours before-hand surgery. That really throws a monkey wrench in my plans. I had every intention of showing up shit-faced drunk. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to drive there. I already asked the dental surgery office if they hand out Valiums at the door. I’m sure they did not appreciate that question.
Fuck. It’s only 11:30am. I will have to be here until 6:00 or 6:30pm. I have no idea how this is going to work.