I have not been doing too terribly wonderful lately. I’m sure that could be ascertained by my lack of posts recently. I have been involved in a lot of stressful situations the past couple months. I feel like I’m being attacked from all angles. Add to that the difficulty I have had sleeping. I keep waking up in a panic, scared and crying. It takes a while for me to calm down, if I’m even really able to. I have been talking in my sleep, too. Things that disturb me quite a bit. I must be having upsetting dreams, but I can’t remember ANYTHING about them. I have also been dissociating to the point of wondering if there isn’t someone else taking over my body. Jay has told me some things that I have done recently that I have NO MEMORY of. It actually took me a while to believe him. What he was saying was so far fetched to me, I thought he was trying to play a joke. Not to mention all the conversations he tells me we have that I can’t remember to save my life. Makes me think Mara is making a comeback.
I am seeing a new therapist on Monday. She apparently works very well with people who have borderline personality disorder, and also with people who have been the victim of sexual abuse. This therapist is at the same office as Jays “Friendly Federal Agent” therapist and was recommended by her, so I think she may be able to help me.
I do know that things will get better. I have been slipping slowly downward, but at least this time I KNOW that it isn’t hopeless. I KNOW that I don’t have to crash and burn. I KNOW that I can stop the cycle and enjoy at least a period of improved mental health. Things seem bad NOW, but NOW is not FOREVER. I will come through this, and I will be the better for it. It just sucks going through it right now.