Maybe Yoga Will Be Next

Last night Crazy Jay and I had another session with our “new age chick” therapist.  I learned that the Emotional Freedom Technique, which I still do not know a TON about, is not just for anger.  Jay has been using it for anger this past week.  I learned last night it can be used for any distressful or unwanted emotion.  I’m looking forward to trying it throughout this week.  It seems like this form of acupressure can be very helpful.  Our therapist explained that, the more you do it, the more layers of negative emotions you will pull away, exposing what is underneath.  It may be painful, but it is necessary to confront all the negative emotions and past experiences in order to help get past it.  That’s what I ultimately want:  I want to be able to get past all the shit from my life that’s been dragging me down.  And I KNOW that what she says about this has merit.  I just remember how much better I felt when I ejected all the negative people from my life.  I immediately felt uplifted and like a weight had been removed from my shoulders.  When you remove the negative emotions, experiences, and people from your life, you make room for the positive emotions, experiences, and people that will help you to live a full and satisfying life.

I also learned that I apologize way too much.  Our therapist said that this week I need to focus on only apologizing for the things I am actually at fault for.  She said that my constant apologies when I don’t believe them are incongruent to my “soul”.  She said that constant apologizing when one is not at fault is one of the many things that can lead a person into depression.  I know that I FEEL less than.  I FEEL like I am wrong.  I FEEL like I need to apologize all the time…So I do.  Jay shared last night that my constant apologizing makes him feel badly, which I was not aware of.

My assignment for this week has started off a little rocky.  So far I’ve found myself apologizing about 20 gazillion times since last night.  As soon as I catch myself apologizing (And, so far, for nothing that’s my fault!), I laugh at my silliness.  I may not be able to stop myself yet, but at least I’m able to notice when I’m apologizing unnecessarily.  It hasn’t even been 24 hours since I was given this assignment, so I’m confident I’ll get there.

This weekend we are going to try aromatherapy.  I think I am going to choose a citrusy scent and the good ole stand by:  lavender.  I hear that lemon or orange are good for depression, and seem to instantly make you perk up a little bit.  Lavender is good for sleeping and relaxation, and I need a way to work on both.

I was raised in an atmosphere that looked down on Eastern practices.  I was taught to be skeptical and dismissive of them.  I struggle a little with thinking what I’m doing can’t possibly work.  Reality seems to be quieting that voice, though.  The few things Jay and I have tried seem to work.  I am able to reconcile the practices with my personal spiritual beliefs, so I’m trying hard to remember that what I was taught is not necessarily the correct thing.  Here’s a heart attack inducing statement for a few reading this…Maybe next I’ll try my hand at meditating with quiet drums in the background or yoga.  LMCAO

Categories: Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Depression, Marriage, Mental Illness, Therapy | Tags: , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Maybe Yoga Will Be Next

  1. First, why do you want a crusty scent? Second, Yoga would be cool. I hear that yoga chicks are very flexible . Lastly, I think we should try some Primal Scream Therapy. Basically, when we go camping, we sit around the fire and scream….but not too close to the fire. I learned my lesson, I’ll tell ya!

  2. Yoga is actually very relaxing while also being healthy. I’d say definitely worth a try. And for me, meditating is just kind of like really quiet and focused praying. There should be quite a few Eastern things that will fit nicely with your existing spiritual and religious beliefs.

  3. I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago, I have practiced meditation and Eastern philosophy for around 3 now (i.e. Zen Buddhism). It’s amazing how well it fits my personality. And meditation has (now, this may sound a little outlandish) retrained my way of thinking. The “black and white” has a few shades of gray thrown in there. Another great point made previously is that Eastern thought is a philosophy so you can practice it with any religion. Anyway- Great blog, I’m familiar with your struggle- keep on keepin’ on.
    XXMuch LoveXX

  4. You seem to be on a good track here. Meditation can be very calming. I also do yoga, but my struggle with it is more due to my being so overweight. Hopefully that will change too. We definitely need to get some gray areas into out BPDness! Keep writing, it helps.

  5. Lovely Boyfriend laughs when I keep on apologising for things I don’t need to. I hadn’t thought about how much I did it until he pointed it out. For me, it’s an automatic reaction; say “sorry” and people won’t think badly of me!

  6. I think the yoga is the key for everyone to be happy 🙂

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