Reaching Out to Little Meg


Crazy Jay and I met with our therapist last night.  I’ve been calling her “new age therapist”, or something like that.  I think I’m going to change to “unconventional”, instead.  Anyway, we were talking about how a lot of the issues Jay and I both have now are a result of things done to us throughout childhood.  Unconventional Therapist was telling us that we need to go back and heal our inner child so that our adult selves can be healed.  Now, this is the kind of thing that I used to think was complete B.S.  “Heal your inner child”?  Gimme a break!!  What kind of mumbo-jumbo is that?  Just be an adult and deal with this!!

Of course, that could be (and probably is) the voice of the fuckers who raised me.  They didn’t believe in therapy.  They weren’t convinced of the legitimacy of They looked down on people with mental disorders, telling me that if I was depressed, it’s because I “wasn’t trusting God enough”.  That’s nice.  And so helpful.  Way to make a person who already feels shitty into even MORE of a failure.

Moving on…

I think Unconventional Therapist is absolutely right that Jay and I need to heal our inner child.  I mean, the way we react to things now is directly related to our experiences in childhood.  Jay tells me all the time he feels like a financial burden, even though I keep telling him to shut his whore mouth.  I have never thought of him as a burden, and I hope I don’t ACT like I think he’s a burden.  It clicked for us last night, though, that Jay’s father always made money an issue when Jay was growing up.  His father was constantly talking about how much things that Jay needed cost.  No wonder he now sees that he is using money and not putting any in the kitty, so he equates that with being a burden.

My distaste of being touched stems from my childhood sexual abuse.  I feel hands on me now and essentially think I am a child, being abused and touched against my will.  Of course, that is not a conscious thought, but that is why I don’t like hands on me now.  The thoughts, feelings and ideas we have reinforced as children come out when we’re adults.  I have so many more examples of how things in childhood shape my thoughts and actions now, but I think I’ve made my point.

Jay told Unconventional Therapist that he didn’t know how to heal his inner child.  That he didn’t even know what this looked like.  I’ve had several weeks to digest the “heal your inner child” thing, but this may be the first time Jay tried to apply it to himself.  I told him that his inner child and my inner child (Little Jay and Little Meg) should have a play date this week.  Do something childlike and silly.  I suggested going to a playground and swinging.  The teeter-tooter would be fun, too!  Unconventional Therapist suggested we may like to try some art projects since we both thought coloring in coloring books would be enjoyable.  Art projects may be too lofty of a goal, but I could sure mess around with some Play-Dough!!

This week Jay and I are both going to focus on “going back” and taking care of Little Jay and Little Meg.  Unconventional Therapist said our goal is to “go back”, “pick up” our little inner selves, and tell him or her that we will protect them.  That we are there to take care of them.  We aren’t terribly sure how to attempt that quite yet, but apparently the first step is doing activities our inner child would enjoy…hence the play date.  It was also suggested that we go to the children’s section of the library and check out some kid books, but then that would entail brushing elbows with ACTUAL children.

I’m looking forward to letting out Little Meg.  I think this could be fun.  It will be nice to focus on small enjoyable activities throughout the day instead of the many stresses of life.

 

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Categories: Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Child Abuse, Daily Life, Depression, Marriage, Mental Illness, PTSD, Stress | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “Reaching Out to Little Meg

  1. Jaen Wirefly

    Parents can ruin a perfectly good baby.

    I can’t connect with the phrase “Healing your inner child.” It sounds fake and weird. But I think you’ve pushed past the wording and found the meaning: Dealing with childhood issues.

    A play date is an AWESOME idea. Being around kid-stuff and reading old books will probably help your memory. You don’t need to remember exactly what was said but the feelings you got. Ex, Did you feel unimportant? Did you feel misunderstood? Did you feel shame?

    It sounds like a really positive step.

  2. The FIRST things I am gong to do to “heal little Jay” is to give him some advise: Stop letting your mother get you fucked up haircuts and dressing you funny.

  3. savemefrombpd

    You both go for it! Good for you both for doing all you can in order to get better and heal yourselves.

    Good luck! X

  4. That’s a great idea, going back and healing the inner child. I’ve never heard of doing child-like things, though. Did your therapist give a reason/explanation for why that’s helpful? Keep us posted on how it’s going. I may consider trying that for myself!

    • I think the idea is to get more “in touch” with your inner child by doing child-like things. It is also supposed to help nurture one’s inner child who most likely didn’t have much light-heartedness growing up.

  5. It’s wonderful to see how you are supporting each other through this. No going it alone.

  6. I recently just became aware of my inner child…. not a pleasant revelation but one day I hope it will be a healing one.

  7. I have concluded that there is no “Little Jay.” I am a creation, sculpted in granite by blood, sweat and tears. I have to go WAY BACK to find innocence.

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