I don’t know how to love with my whole heart.
How could I? Raised in an uncaring home,
Affection was foreign. Coldness I knew.
I learned to be critical and hate-filled.
I lived on anger and disappointment.
Resentment and hurt were my company.
Loving touches, hugs, kisses, “I love you”
Were not what I knew. Harsh words, angry stares –
These were my normal. A life lacking warmth.
I felt like a stranger in my own home.
The child who could not understand love
Grew to the woman who could not show love.
I stay withdrawn and reserved. Scared. Hiding.
Even if I wanted to venture out,
I’m ignorant of how to show I care.
Unsure of what to do or how to act.
I sit to the side. Alienated.
I ache to reach out from behind this wall.
I long to show you the love I feel.