Ignorant


I don’t know how to love with my whole heart.

How could I?  Raised in an uncaring home,

Affection was foreign.  Coldness I knew.

I learned to be critical and hate-filled.

I lived on anger and disappointment.

Resentment and hurt were my company.

Loving touches, hugs, kisses, “I love you”

Were not what I knew.  Harsh words, angry stares –

These were my normal.  A life lacking warmth.

I felt like a stranger in my own home.

The child who could not understand love

Grew to the woman who could not show love.

I stay withdrawn and reserved.  Scared.  Hiding.

Even if I wanted to venture out,

I’m ignorant of how to show I care.

Unsure of what to do or how to act.

I sit to the side.  Alienated.

I ache to reach out from behind this wall.

I long to show you the love I feel.

Advertisements
Categories: Abuse, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Child Abuse, Family, Life, Mental Illness, Poetry, Relationships | 2 Comments

Post navigation

2 thoughts on “Ignorant

  1. savemefrombpd

    You couldn’t say it any clearer than you have written. Plus, I had the same upbringing. Totally understand what you have gone through.

    I think the first point in making positive changes for yourself is recognising the things you have written, as you have done. You can see what has made you the way you are, and moving on from there, you can see therefore what can be done in therapy and alone too in order to turn things around for yourself.

    Keep going.

  2. Vera

    I can relate completely. I wish I knew what to tell you. Perhaps someday we will have a break through.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: