My Choice

Crazy Jay and I got into it a little last night.  Overreaction on his part led to overreaction on my part until it was a much bigger mess than it needed to be.  I’m trying not to be upset at myself over my part in the fight and continued escalation.  The situation is passed, so there is no sense in me brooding over it all day, and making myself feel worse.  I have assessed the situation, and decided what I need to do differently in the future.  I am not beating myself up, but finding a lesson in this experience.

I have been feeling a little down today because of last night, and then having no contact with Jay this morning.  I wrote down my affirmation of the day on a sticky note and placed it on my desk.  Every time I want to feel sorry for myself, or angry at Crazy Jay, or angry at MYSELF, I repeat the affirmation at least once.

“I am the only power in my world, and I create a peaceful, loving, joyful, fulfilling life.” 

No matter what happens, no matter who says or does what to me, I am the one who decides how I feel, and what I want to focus on.  I do not want a sub par day, thinking about the fight from the night before.  This is the only moment I can live in, and I choose to make it wonderful.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Healing, Marriage, Relationships, Thoughts | Tags: , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “My Choice

  1. Great mantra. I aim for this attitude as well. Good job!

    • Basically, the point is that you are the only one with any power over your day, and your life. YOU choose to make the day what it is. I could have been wallowing all day and be upset, but, instead, I decided that I wanted a peaceful, joyful, loving, fulfilling day (or life) instead of sadness and negativity. Now, of course, I’m not discounting God in this. Of course God is the only One with any TRUE power. I am still the one to decide what I’m feeling, and that will determine how my day, and my life goes. It can be full of positives, or full of negatives. No one else can determine or dictate how I feel, and what I focus on. Does that make more sense?

      • I do but I can’t make the connection. I am the only one with power to determine my day? I have the power to determine my day? What happens if I am the victim of a home invasion? I choose how I feel? What is some SnapperHead slaps me across the face? I determine how I will FEEL? I may be able to determine what I DO, but how I feel? I don’t get it.

      • It doesn’t matter what one does or says to you. What matters is how you chose to react, and what you chose to believe about yourself (another affirmation I use often). Someone can slap you on the face, and you can chose to hold onto that anger, stew about it, or slap them back. NONE of that will feel good to you in the long run (I said in the long run!). What will feel good is if you let go of the anger, and forgive that person. Holding onto anger will make you feel worse throughout the day. If someone breaks into your house (or steals your walking stick out of the car), you can focus on the bad parts of it, and all that you lost. Or you can understand that things are fleeting, anyway, and move on with your day. YOU choose what to focus on in any given situation. Just because something bad happens to you does not mean that that is all you can think about, or focus on. Focus on the positive in all situations, and you will feel more positive, and more positive things will happen to you.
        I have a whole BUNCH of affirmations in my phone for any given feeling. If I feel angry, I have affirmations to help change my focus. Same for shame, irritation, stress, fear, fear of change, etc. I have them to start the day, and end the day. I have affirmations to help with relationships. Anytime I am feeling a NEGATIVE emotion, I repeat an affirmation that fits my mood and expresses the change that I want to make until I feel better. Just like taking every thought captive for Christ. Don’t focus on what is going to fuck up your head. CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS. The bad feelings are only thoughts that you have about yourself, and THOUGHTS CAN BE CHANGED. Thoughts are words that only have the meaning that you give them. Change what you THINK, and you will change what you FEEL. Any better?

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