Anger

I Forgive You


D:

I forgive you for your constant criticisms and put downs of me.  I now know that you hated yourself, and were only able to see the negative aspects of others.  It somehow made your failings and short comings seem smaller.  I understand that making other people feel badly made you feel better.

I forgive you for focusing so much on my weight, even though you filled the house with junk food, sugar, and pizza.  I now know that you had your own issues with food.  You felt better about indulging when I did it with you, and it gave you a chance to unleash the guilt and shame you felt towards yourself onto another.  Somehow, if I overate with you, it made you feel not as bad.  By telling me I was too fat, you were able to safely express the feelings you felt towards yourself.

I forgive you for constantly trying to control and micromanage my life.  I now know that you felt your life had been spiraling out of control for a long, long time.  By clamping down on me, you were able to feel you had a handle on things without making any difficult changes in your life.

I forgive you for making me always feel inferior to everyone and everything.  I now know you struggled with feelings of self-worth, but weren’t strong enough to overcome them.  I understand how that can make a person feel like they’re drowning, and without hope.

I forgive you for making me believe that my thoughts and feelings didn’t matter.  I now know you felt that you didn’t matter, and you had no idea how to express it.  I understand you projected your feelings onto me.  I know how you had been stepped on by life.

I forgive you for making me feel unloved. I now know you had no experience of self-love.  I can also imagine how difficult it was to cope with the fact that your husband preferred your eldest daughter over yourself.  I understand you didn’t feel loved for most of your life, and you felt I had taken the only person who had any chance of really loving you. I forgive you for making it obvious that you favored my siblings over me.  I now know you felt that I received more “love” than I deserved.  I know how that hurt you.  I know you didn’t know what to do.

I forgive you for not protecting me when you should have.  I now know that you, yourself, were a victim of your choices and circumstances.  I understand you were too weak to shield me from the dangers of this world.

I forgive you for making me think all of the above was my fault.  I now know these problems were a direct result of the unresolved issues in your life.  In your soul.  This was always about you, and never about me.  I understand I was a child with no control, and you were the adult.

I forgive you, and I pity you.  I am strong.  I have overcome.  You are not.  You cannot.  You truly are a prisoner.  May you find peace one day.

“I guess we are who we are / Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on…”                                        ~Eminem ‘Headlights’

Categories: Abuse, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Family, Healing, Parenting, Therapy, Thoughts | Leave a comment

Back from the Borderline


For at least the past four years, I’ve been considered to have borderline personality disorder.  I believe I was showing signs of it many years before, but it’s only been in the past four years that I’ve been diagnosed as such.  As recently as the beginning of August, I was on Wikipedia, comparing my symptoms to those listed in the DSM IV.  After reviewing the criteria for BPD those couple months ago, I reported back to Crazy Jay that I still exhibited about 95% of the symptoms.  I was actually pleased back in August to see that I would still be considered a raging borderline.  I was still crazy.  Whew.  What a relief.  At that time, I believed that if I clung to the borderline personality diagnosis hard enough, I wouldn’t have to do anything to change my behavior.  Don’t get me wrong:  I WANTED to change.  I felt miserable.  My life was chaotic.  I was depressed and contemplating suicide…again.  I had purchased new tools to self harm…again.  My problem was that I didn’t know HOW to change.  In fact, I was at a point where I really thought it was next to impossible for me to make any positive changes.  I tried pharmaceuticals.  I tried trusting God to change me.  I’d attended dialectical behavioral therapy and tried to study Marsha Linehan’s approach to helping those with BPD.   I tried drinking my troubles away.  I had numerous individual therapists.  I tried reading books on the subject.  Nothing really seemed to help me.  Oh, I may have gotten better for a couple days, but I wasn’t able to hold onto the “change” for very long at all.  That’s because it wasn’t a real change.  I was trying to force my mind to do and believe things that went against my very core.  Of course, what I believed in my core was wrong, but it still makes it difficult to change one’s behavior if old beliefs are held onto.

Jay and I started seeing a therapist together this past May.  Since we both had pretty much hit rock bottom personally, our marriage was showing signs of distress.  The therapist we saw was unlike any other we had sought help from in the past.  If you’ve been following Crazy Jay’s and my blogs, I have been calling her “Unconventional Therapist”, and Jay has been calling her “New Age Therapy Chick”, or NATC.  She focuses more on Eastern philosophies.  She introduced us to the Emotional Freedom Technique which involves tapping on pressure points of the body while repeating affirmations.  She uses oil remedies for emotional and physical issues.  She focuses on being in the moment instead of brooding about the past or pondering the future.  She also led me to the book that I feel completely changed my perspective on life in general, my attitude, and how I need be living.  “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay has taught me that loving myself can go a long way in helping me feel better.  Focusing on the negative will bring negative into my life.  Sending negative thoughts/comments/actions into the world towards others will bring negative into my life.  The best thing I can do for myself, and for everyone else is to love, respect, and forgive myself.  If I am able to do that for myself, it will be much easier to do that for other people.

I have been feeling tremendously wonderful this past month.  I can’t believe it’s only been a month.  I never thought I would feel a fraction of the joy and overall positivity I feel now.  Daily stresses don’t seem to bother me.  Jay and I have a much more peaceful, understanding relationship.  My anxiety has decreased to almost nothing.  My depression is gone.  I am treating myself better, both physically and emotionally.  I do still have issues to deal with, but I feel that I can now actually focus on that issue, and take care of it so that it does not pop up and bother me again.  Three months ago, however, I wouldn’t have really been able to start working on this issue.  It was too difficult stepping over the steaming piles of pain, anger and depression to focus on anything else.

Today I pulled up Wikipedia’s page on borderline personality disorder.  Any guesses as to how many criteria I met?  Let me start by saying that, at my worst, I knocked all nine outta the park.  I won’t go into any more detail about how things were at my worst, but start reading through my early blog posts if you want a clear picture.  Today, however, is a new day.  Today, I do not meet ONE criterion.  If I was examined by a shrink or some doctor today, I would NOT be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

I know that I have only been feeling exceptionally awesome for about a month, but I can tell this time is different.  This time I have changed my way of thinking and my thoughts.  This time when I am nice to Jay, it is not because I am clenching my teeth shut so I don’t spew venom.  This time I’m nice to Jay because all I hold in my head are soft, loving thoughts about him.  I don’t allow myself to think negative thoughts.  Not about myself.  Not about Jay.  Not about my co-workers, or traffic, or the slower cashier at the grocery store.  Not even about my birth family.  I am in the process of forgiving all from my past that I feel have wronged me, and I feel free.  I am happy.  I am content.  I’ve found a way of thinking that works for me.

In the past, my BPD would come in cycles, as I’m sure is the case for most.  I would have a looooong string of bad days, with a couple good thrown in.  The rare good days could last from one day to maybe four or five, if I was “lucky”.  Even on those “good” days, I would struggle with my thoughts.  I was ALWAYS at war with my thoughts.  A “good” day meant I didn’t punch a hole in the wall.  I would just go to my car and punch on it so I didn’t leave marks (well, not on the car, that is).  A “good” day meant I was only mean and snarky for a small portion of the day instead of the entire thing.  A “good” day meant I only picked the scabs off of my arms and legs instead of creating new cuts.  Even my “good” days were bad days.

I don’t expect my life to be perfect now.  Of course things will come up.  Things HAVE been coming up.  It’s important to keep in mind that things will ALWAYS come up.  That is the way of life.  What matters is not what happens, but how you deal with it.  What matters is not what others say or do to you.  What matters is how you choose to react and what you choose to believe about yourself.  I choose to love myself, tell myself I’m wonderful, and have an amazing day.

Categories: Anger, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Healing, Mental Illness, Therapy, Thoughts | Tags: | 12 Comments

Self-Hatred


“Self-hatred is only hating a thought you have about yourself, and thoughts can be changed.”

-Louise Hay, “You Can Heal Your Life”

Categories: Anger, Anxiety, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Child Abuse, Depression, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Thoughts | 3 Comments

Retraining My Mind


You know how some people will ask how you’re doing, and when you start to tell them honestly, they respond in irritation with, “Everyone’s got problems!”  Whatever the context, I’m quite sure all of us have heard this from time to time.  Either directed at ourselves, or someone else who can’t seem to keep it together.

I was pondering this the other day.  Yes, everyone has problems, but why do they seem so HUGE for some, myself, at times, included?  As I type this, I realize the answer is obvious, but it seemed novel to me at the time.  Yes, everyone has problems, but not everyone is equipped to deal with their problems.  Not everyone has the tools to solve their problems and keep them from returning.

Up until recently, I thought it was impossible for ME to learn to use these tools on a regular basis.  I knew that the way I was raised caused me to wrongly react to things, but I also thought that I could sit back and blame the way I was raised.  I was not taught how to deal with many situations.  I was not taught how to act in interpersonal relationships.  I was taught to be critical and negative so as not to become disappointed.  That doesn’t mean I can’t change any of that, though.  Yes, I had a screwed up childhood.  No, I do not have to have a screwed up life.

When I started reading “You Can Heal Your Life”, I was depressed and angry.  I was considering starting to self harm again.  I thought there was no way out, and nothing I could do to change anything.  I had tried desperately to change what I said and how I acted.  All I managed to do was frustrate, become angry at, and blame myself for not being what I thought I “should” be.

As I began reading, though, my outlook started to change.  I realized I had the ability to change what was going on with me.  The author says that one has to change how they think about themselves before they can expect their lives to change.  I thought it was a lot of touchy-feely-sit-around-a-camp-fire-naked-and-cry-while-singing-koom-by-ya kinda thing.  It seems silly that just being nice to yourself and liking yourself is going to change anything.  It seems IMPOSSIBLE to me, as a borderline, to even begin to show self-love.  The entire concept seemed foreign.

It starts off with baby steps, though.  Not being critical of yourself, not having negative views about yourself, only telling yourself nice things, repeating affirmations, etc.  If one goes through life thinking they are shit and don’t deserve happiness, they will never obtain happiness.  If one thinks that everyone is out to get them, that is what they will see in their life.  What you view about yourself will manifest in your life.  I KNOW this seems crazy, but it really seems to work!

Think about it, though.  If you believe, deep down, that you will never be happy, how will you be able to LET yourself be happy?  Letting yourself be happy would go against everything you truly believe!  If you believe everyone is out to get you, that is all that you will see in each interaction with people.

Conversely, if you tell yourself you deserve to be happy, it will come.  If you tell yourself that you love yourself, you will not see a need to be overly critical.  If you forgive other people for their faults, you’ll be more able to forgive yourself the faults you possess.

I have been repeating affirmations to myself over the past week.  “I completely love and accept myself.”  “I deserve to be _____, and I accept it now.”  “I am willing to release the need to be unworthy.  I am worthy of the very best in life and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.”  I think you get the point.  I have seen a difference in how I treat myself since I’ve started doing this.  I have been showering on a daily basis, and using smelly bath stuff.  I have been using lotions.  I have been exercising some.  I have been eating better.  I have been sleeping better.  It’s like I finally convinced myself that I am WORTHY of being treated well, and I am doing that for myself.  The above things have been difficult for me in the past because I never thought I was worthy of anything other than pain and misery, and that’s how I treated myself.

I have also been treating other people better.  I do not get as frustrated with my coworkers, and I have not been lashing out at Crazy Jay.  I do not look for the negative in everything and find ways to tell others that they’re wrong.  I am not as critical, and am more willing to over look things others do that bother me.

Here’s something else COMPLETELY CRAZY:  Crappy things have happened this past week, but I am not really bothered by them.  Jay and I have had a tiff or two, but it was quickly nipped in the bud, and I didn’t brood about it all day.  I am not as stressed out at work, even though there is a HUGE invoicing mess that I’ve been dealing with.  Everything seems to roll off my back much easier than it ever has in my life.  Maybe this is what my unconventional therapist meant when she told me to “be an observer”.  It’s like the bullshit that other people throw my way doesn’t even touch me.

I guess maybe I should have started with this next part.  Then maybe people would have read all the way through.  I am not struggling and straining to “get through” each problem that comes my way.  I do not have to bite my tongue or deeply consider what I say.  Because I have changed my outlook on things, and the way I view myself, it’s not hard to be nice, because I FEEL nice.  It’s not hard to contain my frustration, because I don’t FEEL it anywhere near the same level I used to.  It’s not hard to “act” happy, because I AM happy.  I am not trying to twist my mind into doing something that it doesn’t want to do.  I am in the process of retraining my mind so that it wants to do what I want it to do, and not just react to things that trigger childhood memories.  I changed my fundamental beliefs about myself and my life, and I have seen an almost immediate change.  It helps that Jay is going through the same book as me, and is seeing things the same way.  Even if he wasn’t, though, I think I would be ok.  I think I am going to get through all this.  In fact, I can see it as I look over my shoulder, getting smaller in the distance.  I AM going to have a full, happy life.  I AM worthy, and deserve good things.  I AM lovable and capable of showing love.  I AM willing to release the negative patterns in my mind.  Holy shit…I think I can do this thing, after all.

Categories: Abuse, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, Child Abuse, Daily Life, Depression, Healing, PTSD, Stress, Therapy | 1 Comment

Time For a Change


Soooo…It would seem that I’m toying with the idea of forgiving “the snapperheads” (as Crazy Jay would say) who screwed me up in the past.  This would include everyone that I’m harboring resentment against, but it would start with my parents.

I’m reading “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay.  It was recommended to me by my unconventional therapist.  I’m not too far into this book, but I feel like it has already changed my attitude about certain things.  I’m learning the benefits of self love and positive thinking.  “Self love” is hard for a borderline to feel, but there was a brief paragraph in this book that caught my eye.

“Loving the self, to me, begins with never ever criticizing ourselves for anything. Criticism locks us into the very pattern we are trying to change. Understanding and being gentle with ourselves helps us to move out of it. Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

Well, I guess she has a point.  I HAVE been incredibly hard on myself all of my life.  I don’t particularly like how my life is going right now.  Something needs to change.  I have tried a lot of things to try and change my thoughts and behaviors, and nothing has really worked.  Why not give being nice to myself a try?  It couldn’t hurt.

Back to forgiving snapperheads

The thought is that, if one is holding onto anger and resentment, not only can they make themselves physically sick, but they are exerting a lot of unnecessary energy.  One keeps the negative energy and emotions in their body, and it just continues to make their life difficult.

Not only that, but expecting perfection from your parents is a sure-fire way to never expect less than perfection from yourself.  How can you love yourself and not be critical if you expect yourself to be perfect?  I know when I place expectations on myself, I’m constantly kicking myself and feeling like a failure.  It’s better to remember that, just like you, your parents are frightened, injured people.  They have been damaged in their lifetimes, and are only able to teach their children what they have been taught.

In order to free ourselves from the negative patterns in our life, we need to learn to love ourselves.  Before we love ourselves, we must forgive those who have harmed us in the past.  Now, I’m still a little leery of this “forgiveness” sticht.  I talked to my unconventional therapist about this last night.  She cleared a few things up for me that might make this a little bit easier.

Just because you forgive a person does not mean you are saying what happened is ok.  You are not condoning their behaviors.  You are just making the conscious decision to not spend any time or energy being upset by this person’s actions.  The past cannot be changed, but we can change our future by adjusting how we think about things.  If we are constantly thinking about how horrible people are, and about the evil things that have been done to us, our lives won’t be very fulfilled.  We will hold onto hate and anger, and never flourish into the person we could have been had we been born into a loving environment.

I was also assured that just because one decides to forgive another does not mean that person has to be in their life.  I can accept that my parents were raised a certain way, and act a certain way.  I can decide that I do not want people who act a certain way to be part of my life.  I am not judging them, angry, or hating them, I just do not want the negativity they bring as part of my little world.  I can forgive them and work to heal myself without judging them or including them in my life.

I really want to heal from my past.  I want my future to be different than where it seems to be headed.  I want a full, happy, positive life.  It will be difficult for me to show self love.  It will be difficult for me to forgive my parents, and keep in mind that that means no pent up anger towards them.  It will be difficult for me to focus on the positive, and keep the negative out of my life.  It’s difficult, but not impossible.  I am committed to being different.  I have tried a lot of different things to try and change myself.  Nothing’s worked so far.  Time to try being nice to myself, and show a little forgiveness.

Categories: Abuse, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Child Abuse, Depression, Family, Healing, Health, Relationships | 4 Comments

She is Not Me – With Picture


Who is this girl in the photo?  Not me.
She looks ahead.  Innocent eyes.  Wide grin.
She is ignorant of events to come.
She has not been broken.  Used.  Defiled.
She does not yet know the world hates her.
Still so full of hope and expectations.
Wide open.  Still trusting those in her life.
Not knowing the hurt and pain they will cause.
They wouldn’t do that.  They say they love her.
She hasn’t yet learned the horrors of love.
She will soon find that love morphs to evil.
Everyone uses love as a weapon.
Trying to beat her down.  To make her bleed.
She will soon feel worthless.  She is trash.
She won’t recover.  Her soul feels dead.
She’s condemned to a life trapped by her past.
But not yet.  Today still carefree.  Happy.
She’s not me.  I’m not her.  Impossible.

Image

Categories: Abuse, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depression, Dissociation, Life, Mental Illness, Poetry, PTSD | 6 Comments

Making Myself Sick


I was watching the horror movie, “Shadow People”, the other day.  It’s a really good, creepy movie.  I’d recommend it!  It is about these shadows that come to your room as you’re drifting off to sleep.  You open your eyes and see the shadows moving, and coming towards you.  You experience paralysis, being able to move only your eyes, and then you die.  As the movie progressed, it was revealed that the people who die at the hands of the “Shadow People” BELIEVE in the “Shadow People”.  Doubters don’t die.  Just the people who believe this “monster” is real.  The number of deaths by the “Shadow People” increased as more people heard and believed these stories.  The movie ended with evidence of the “Shadow People” being suppressed and lied about so as not to create more believers, and more deaths.

There was a woman on the movie (that’s supposedly based on a true story) who drew a parallel between dying at the hands of the “Shadow People”, and taking a placebo.  Your body thinks it is getting medicine, when in fact it has only received a placebo.  Because your mind and body THINK it has medicine to be healed with, the body begins to heal itself.  The people in this movie believed that there were “Shadow People” who would kill them in their sleep, and their minds made it happen.

Now, this is obviously a little far-fetched, but it got me thinking about mental illness.  It made me wonder if we could make ourselves sicker by buying into all the Wikipedia pages about our illness(es), and listening to the negative things people say about us.

I know that when I was reading ALL the blogs on WordPress about borderline personality disorder, I was more focused on the negative aspects of myself and my disorder then when I decided I would only peruse the POSITIVE mental health blogs.  Listening to people talk about what they were going through can be helpful, but it can also be damaging, I think.  While it does help and encourage me to know that I’m not alone in my craziness, and other people know what I’m going through, I also tend to focus so heavily on the negative things they’ve experienced and are feeling.  It’s almost like their emotions and their memories become my own.  I start thinking about the issues other people are having, and think about how it relates to me.  I see that these people have BPD, and I do, too, so I seem to make a leap in my mind.  I cannot just listen and observe what another person is going through – All of a sudden it is ME going through those things.  Focusing on their negativity makes me focus on mine.  I forget to do the things that make me feel good, because all I can think about are bad things.  I take on the bad feelings I’ve read about, and make them my own.

Reading about borderline personality disorder just reinforces all the crap I’m feeling and thinking about myself.  It makes me forget that I am working to get better.  It seems to make me worse.  Crazy Jay has told me for a long time that I am the best student he’s ever seen.  When I thought that I was a psychopath, I read a lot about serial killers and sociopaths/psychopaths.  I started taking on the traits I was reading about.  I convinced myself that I didn’t care about things.  I convinced myself that I didn’t feel.  I convinced myself that I hated the world, and wanted to try my hand at taking out a few people.  Just for the hell of it.

Apparently the same thing happened when I realized I have BPD.  I read about it all the time, and started acting more and more like a crazy chick having a borderline episode (after episode, after episode, after episode).  I noticed that when I started reading more about dermatillomania, the same thing happened again.  I started picking at my scalp more and more.  It’s like knowing about it fed my need to pick at my scabs, just like learning more about BPD turned me into a textbook borderline.

It has taken me a long time to figure this out, but I really think my focus needs to be on HEALING, and not on my symptoms.  I need to worry about filling my day with positive moments.  I need to continue to practice controlling my tone and the nasty things I say.  I need to address the hurt inner child that has never been properly nurtured.  I need to focus on my relationship with my husband.  I do NOT need to read book after book on what it looks like to have borderline personality disorder.  I do NOT need to read blogs that are full of negativity and nothing but complaints about life.  I do NOT need to watch movies that will make me think too deeply on my past.  I do NOT need to visit the Wikipedia page on BPD every other week to check and see if my symptoms are still in line with what they “should” be.

The more I tell myself that it is “normal” for a person with BPD to act the way that I do, the more I’m giving myself permission to act in that way.  If I hear that I can’t get better until later on in life, that the symptoms of borderline personality disorder tend to diminish after the age of 40, then I’m giving myself free reign to only half-ass getting better, at least until I’m closer to 40.  If I keep thinking that I “can’t” do this or that, then that is how I am going to act.  If I have myself convinced that I can’t be pleasant because the BPD has my mind weighed down with anger, sadness, and irritation, then I am not even going to attempt to be kind or gentle.  I need to start focusing on the change I want instead of the bad behaviors I “can’t” get rid of.  I need to stop making myself sick, and start focusing on healing.

Categories: Abuse, Anger, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depression, Dermatillomania, Mental Illness, Therapy | Tags: | 4 Comments

The First Cut


The feelings were overwhelming inside.

Building up till I couldn’t contain them.

My emotions warred and my skin prickled.

My flesh was prostrate, begging to be cut.

I couldn’t understand this compulsion.

Never experienced this urge before.

Options appeared to be slice up or die.

Took the first step.  Placed the glass to my skin.

Started off timid, than pushed harder still.

Dragged the shard on my thigh and watched blood bloom.

Blood left my body, as did bad feelings.

My flesh was sacrificed for emotions.

The feelings rushed out.  I found my reprieve.

Relief was temporary, I soon learned.

Shame hit me so hard I couldn’t stand up.

The guilt grabbed my lungs to restrict my breath.

Regret.  Remorse.  Unmarred never again.

Thought it was a one-time thing.  I was wrong.

This desire is holding me captive.

Just when I think it’s gone, it’s back again.

This is to be my albatross for life.

Categories: Anger, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depression, Mental Illness, Poetry, Self Harm, Self-Injury, Thoughts | 8 Comments

About My Next Post


My next post is going to be something completely different from what I usually do.  I am going to post a poem.  On the way into work, I was pondering the first time I engaged in cutting as a way of self harm.  I am posting this FIRST so that no one reads it unless they want to.  I don’t want anyone to be shocked when they open their email.

Also, a little about the format:  I enjoy writing sonnets, but have a hard time writing much else.  Today when starting the upcoming poem, I just wrote sentences that had ten beats, like in a sonnet.  Sorry, I’m not sure what the proper terms are.  Anyway, my thought was that after I got the main sentences out, I could manipulate them so they would rhyme using the form of Shakespearian Sonnets.  After I typed up the sentences, I decided not to worry about rhyming, since that would affect what I was trying to say.

It’s been a looooong time since I’ve written something other than a sonnet.  Quick side notes – I used to write Shakespearian Sonnets in SPANISH.  They rhymed (in Spanish – not when translated) and everything.  Anyway, please be kind if you decide to read my next post.  Please DO NOT READ if you think this will put your safety at risk.

Categories: Anger, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depression, Mental Illness, Poetry, Self Harm, Self-Injury, Thoughts | Leave a comment

Musings


Sometimes I wish I was the only one to have to deal with me.  The only one to be affected by all the fucked up parts of me.  I wish I didn’t have to see what I do to the one person who loves me.  I think sometimes how nice it would be to be alone, so I don’t have to be the one to cause others hurt, anger, and frustration.  It would be nice to be on my own, and deal with my issues when it’s just me that will be hurt.  When there isn’t pressure for me to change immediately, even though I can’t.  When doing the best I can do is good enough.  I wish I didn’t have the responsibility of caring for another’s feelings.  Of having to meet another’s needs.

On the other hand, I can’t imagine going through this alone.

Categories: Abuse, Anger, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Child Abuse, Depression, Marriage, Sexual Abuse, Thoughts | 4 Comments

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