My New Blog – GOD’s Beautiful Sovereignty

**There was some kind of issue with the link to my new blog.  I’ve fixed it, and wanted to repost this with the correct site.

After a lot of careful thought, consideration, and prayer, I have started a new WordPress site.  I said that I would share my site with the followers of strugglingwithbpd when, and if, I made the decision to start a new blog.  I may still blog on here from time to time, but it will be rare.

My new site is GOD’s Beautiful Sovereignty.  As I’m sure you can tell, it will be about GOD/religion/Christianity/the Bible/etc.  I will be discussing the active role that GOD takes in our lives.  Feel free to check it out if you want.  If this doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in, no worries!

Thanks to everyone who has followed my crazy journey the past two years plus years on this site.  I may still have a thing or two to post about recovering from BPD in the future.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depression, God, Healing, Health, Mental Illness, PTSD, Religion | Leave a comment

This is a post from Multifarious Miscellany. I have heard over and over that Christians who struggle with mental illness aren’t trusting God. And it is wrong to take psych meds for the same reason. That is bullshit! My God put people on the earth to help His struggling people. He gave doctors the knowledge and technology to help others. We also live in a fallen world, so of course Christians are going to have mental issues just the same as they are going to have physical issues. This is an awesome post, and I would recommend reading it if you are tired of being told that you don’t trust God enough because you have a mental illness. It’s also great to read if you are one of those judgmental people who would say something silly like that. Read and learn.

multifarious miscellany

I have two statements for you:

1. I am, for lack of better term, a Christian.
2. I have mental illnesses.

Those two statements are not mutually exclusive. Period.

For the purpose of making this easier, I’m going to use the term Christian, even though it tends to come along with its own misconceptions. I believe in God as a part of the Trinity, and I have my own unique relationship with Him. That is my answer to “What religion are you?”, but “Christian” is significantly shorter.

This is going to sound familiar to my Facebook friends, but I am tired of hearing that people with mental illnesses are Christian failures who don’t deserve God’s love. Some of these sentiments come from non-Christians sarcastically wondering how God can be considered so great if He lets bad things happen to good people. Sadly, more often than not, this condemnation comes from…

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Categories: Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Depressed, Depression, God, Medication, Mental Illness, Relationships, Religion | Leave a comment

Chicken Little Says…

“The sky is falling!”

So, I have some free time at work right now.  We have a Christmas party tonight that I am feeling anxious about, so I thought I would distract myself by playing around on the internet.  Now I’m wondering why I was so foolish as to research the Mayan prediction that the world will end on 12/21/2012…THIS FRIDAY!!! It’s like my brain is just LOOKING for things to feel anxious about!  I am a Christian and subscribe to the beliefs put forth in the Bible.  I know what it says about how the world will end.  Well, as best as my mind can understand it.  I know there are a lot of Christian theories about the end of the world, and I vacillate back and forth as to what will happen.  I’m  not going into that here, though.  My point is that I firmly believe that God is in control, and things will happen the way He has planned.  Which is why it is absolutely insane that I am FREAKING OUT about Friday coming.  I guess that’s not the only reason that’s insane.  LOL

I was on some website that explained the end of the Mayan calendar.  I didn’t really retain the information well enough to be able to articulate it to anyone, but they had a lot of scientific “facts” and reasons for why it is SURE that the world will be ending on Friday.  Something about the way the sun is pulled and how it will tip, which it does every 11 years.  This year is different because of the placement of Jupiter and another planet.  Basically, from what I could tell, the sun is going to flip our solar system, and there is a question as to whether the Milky Way Galaxy will even exist.

Wait a second…The website I was on talked about how to be prepared for the world ending, and to know that you can’t rely on the government to get you the supplies and utilities you have become used to having.  If the Milky Way Galaxy will no longer exist, what good will it do for me to stock up on food and water?  What good will it do for me to be armed to the teeth?

Maybe I don’t need to worry about this as much as I thought.  This was probably a silly post, and I’m sorry to the people who made it through to the end for wasting your time.  I feel better, though.  🙂

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, DBT, Mental Illness, Panic Attack, Religion | Tags: , , | 9 Comments

When Will We Stop Hating?

It makes me sick that there are so many people in this world who think it’s ok to hate and judge others.  And, most of the time, they are hating others solely because they disagree with their moral beliefs.  I guess I am thinking specifically of homosexuality at the moment, but there are other examples.

Now, let me say this:  I was raised in a Christian home with parents that tried to follow the Bible the best they could according to what they believed.  I would also classify myself now as a Christian.  I try to love God and show love to others as best I can.  I try to follow the guidelines set forth in the Bible.  I know that I fall short many, many times.  I do not go around talking about what a great person I am, Christian or otherwise, though.

I also believe that the Bible clearly says that homosexuality is a sin.

Here is my problem, though:  I cannot expect people who don’t believe in the significance of the Bible like I do to follow the rules and guidelines in it.  And when others fall short of the expectations and rules in the Bible, I have absolutely no right to lord it over their heads, judge them, or be hateful and nasty.

Last night I read this article on the Daily Mail about a lesbian couple where one of the couple had a sex change.  I found it to be very interesting and enlightening.  I’m sure that it must be hard enough being part of a same-sex couple, but to be in a transgender relationship must be incredibly difficult.  I was shocked to hear about the people who would ask if the partner was a male or female while she was undergoing her change (Sorry if “change” isn’t the right word or offended people.  I’m not sure what to call it).  There also seemed to be a lot of hate from people who just flat out didn’t agree with the couple’s life style.

I just don’t understand why people think it’s ok to be mean and nasty to others just because they don’t agree.  It boggles my mind.  Someone disagreeing with you is not a personal slight.  It has nothing to do with YOU, but is more about the other person expressing their beliefs.  Everyone has the right to think and believe what they want.  Even if what they think and believe is hateful and hurtful.  They do NOT have a right to impose their hate and hurt on other people, though.

Look at the political scene.  America is being torn apart by people thinking it’s ok to spew HATE just because they don’t agree with the other person’s political stance.  People get crap where I work for siding with one candidate over the other.  And not just gentle banter and teasing.  It’s hardcore, nasty stuff.  On both sides!  It’s bad enough that the American people are being nasty to each other and to the candidates, but when the candidates themselves seem to condone hate speech, lies, and misrepresentations, it makes the people think it’s ok.  Politics has changed from actually being about the issues, to being about how low you can bring your opponent.  It has gone from expressing ideas to personal attacks.

And what happens when someone is constantly brought down because of what they believe or how they live their life?  They turn that hate inward.  They start feeling less than and unworthy because they don’t meet other people’s expectations.  They may become depressed, among many other things.  It could lead to self-harm or suicide.  It could lead to them expressing their displeasure on someone else.  And the cycle of hate continues.

Each person needs to follow their own morals, beliefs, political ideas, and personal thoughts the best they can so that they can be happy and content with their lives, but they have no right to judge others based on their own standards.  Everyone needs to live THEIR lives and let others do the same.  I do not want a person or organization telling me how I can and cannot live my life, and then making me feel bad because I do not meet their standards.  I wouldn’t want to do that to another person, either.  I cannot expect someone to abide by what I think is right, and whoever tries to make me abide by what THEY think is right better watch out!

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Mental Illness, Relationships, Religion, Thoughts | Tags: , | Leave a comment

My God Kicks Ass!

I am going to post about something that I have mentioned a time or two in passing, but it is never something I’ve spent an entire post on.  I am going to talk about how awesome God is, and the amazing, unexpected things He has been doing in my life lately.  Anyone who is offended or in any way turned off by God talk may want to stop reading.  Just this post, though.  I am not planning on changing the topic of my blog.

Several months back, I ended contact with a “friend” for a couple reasons.  One of them being that she told my husband that God had cursed him, and that God was going to kill him very soon so that I “would have half a chance” at a decent life.  I posted about the incident HERE, and Jay posted about it HERE.

Since then, God has blessed us abundantly.  Beyond what I even would have even thought of myself.

Our finances have always been a little shaky.  More than a little shaky.  These past few months, though, things have straightened out.  Everything we needed, we had.  Every bill was paid.  Nothing was shut off.  We weren’t ever threatened with being evicted.

Not only have all our necessities been taken care of, God made it so that we had EXTRA money and were able to buy some things that we have needed for a while.  Like clothes.  And stocking up on food.

Here’s where God becomes much more obvious.  I purchased a vehicle in March, though I wasn’t able to get it registered.  We took the plates off our old car and put them on the new one.  Totally not legal.  The plates on the old car expired in September.  We were starting to get worried because if a cop saw that the plates were expired and decided to run them in the system, he would find that they weren’t even registered to the vehicle they were on.

Since the summer, Jay has been putting into the budget that we needed to save money for the plates and registration.  It was going to cost around $700, and that would take some time to get our hands on.  For one reason or another, we were never able to get the money saved up.  Things kept coming up that we needed to spend money on.  By the end of September, Jay was stressed and not sure what he was going to do.  A woman I work with has told me several times that if I ever needed anything, not to hesitate to ask her.  She said she may not always be able to do it, but that if she could, she would.

Jay called her at the beginning of this month and told her the situation with our vehicle.  She asked how much we would need.  We had a few other things to take care of as well, so he told her $1,000.  Her response was, “I wondered this morning why I was putting $1,000 in my pocket.  I said, ‘God, why am I taking this money with me?’”  Then she got off the phone with Jay and gave me the money.  But not before she told me that it was a birthday gift and I didn’t need to worry about paying her back.

That’s one.

Jay and I have been wanting to move for a while.  We have been becoming increasingly unhappy with the town we are living in.  The people are rude, nasty and selfish.  I feel threatened by the aggressive males trying to chat me up, despite my saying I’m married.  There is gun fire up our street almost every night.  It’s seems like it’s time to leave Little Rock, but we weren’t sure when we would be able to make that happen.  GOD HAS MADE IT HAPPEN.  He has opened up doors so that we can leave this place where we are frustrated and feel in danger.  And fast, too.  Whoever said that God doesn’t work quickly?

That’s two.

I was worrying yesterday about how we would scrounge up some extra money for this upcoming move.  I was afraid I would have to ask the company for an advance or something.  Last night Jay woke me up to tell me that the company I currently work for didn’t give me my full pay this week.  The odd thing was that it was around 1:00am, and I usually don’t get the money on my card until around 3:00 or 4:00am.  I checked my payment history on the website.  The money Jay found on the card was IN ADDITION TO my normal pay.  Out of the blue, I was paid $500 (before taxes).  I still don’t know why I was paid that money, but I’m not complaining.  Now we will have some money when we move.  Now we won’t have to worry about scrimping every penny so that we have a few bucks in our pocket for the drive up to West Virginia.

That’s three.

God is awesome.  I’ve seen in the past how He has helped us out of what seemed like impossible situations.  I have never before seen him just abundantly bless us.  I have no doubt that God has orchestrated this.  He has set this all into place.  I don’t believe this will be the last time, either.  I serve an incredible God.  All of this is because of Him.

Crazy Jay wrote about the experience HERE in case you’re interested in his point of view.   BTW – I did not read his post until after I wrote mine.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Marriage, Mental Illness, Religion | Tags: , | 3 Comments

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