Weekend

Contaminated Water = Weekend Getaway


So it looks like Crazy Jay, the puppies and I are going to be heading north for the weekend.

There was a lovely (not-so-lovely) little (not-so-little) chemical spill in a river VERY nearby where we live.  We have been told not to use tap water to drink, wash clothes, bathe, or anything other than to flush toilets and put out fires.  There is a sickeningly sweet smell in the air for several miles around our house.  It’s been described as smelling like “licorice” or “cough syrup”.  The water coming from our sink, toilet and tub smell the same.  Being outside for too long today has made me dizzy and nauseas, and Jay has been sick and vomiting all day due to the smell.  He’s stuck at home, which is only about two miles away from the chemical spill.  I’m about ten miles away at work.  I still can’t use the water here, but at least the air isn’t rife with a smell that makes me sick.  We have decided that it’s probably not safe to stick around at our house this weekend, so we are driving about 80 miles north, to a city that has not been affected.  Since we’ve had to stay in hotels so much for my work, we have several free night stays at a couple different hotels, and are going to take advantage of two free nights this weekend.

This morning when I was driving into work, still feeling sick from the errands I ran beforehand, I was trying very hard not to worry about the chemical spill, and the lack of bottled water in the area.  I used my fall back affirmation:

All is well.  Everything is working for my highest good.  Only good can come from this situation.  I am safe.

Now, honestly, that may not be the best affirmation to use in this situation, but it is the only one I could think of while driving and feeling muddle headed due to the chemical in the air.  I think a better affirmation would be along the lines of there being nothing I can do about the situation, and trying to feel calm in spite of that.  Either way, my affirmation worked!  At least, part of it.  Good HAS come from this situation.  The fambly and I are going away for the weekend.  We will take a break from a weekend of running errands and doing laundry, and just RELAX.  Hopefully by the time we get back to town Sunday afternoon, the majority of this mess will be resolved.  I am confident that between FEMA and the National Guard, things will be taken care of quickly.  Let’s hope THAT affirmation works!

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Categories: Affirmations, Travel, Weekend | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Our Weekend in Portsmouth Ohio


This weekend, Jay and I packed up our fambly and headed to Portsmouth Ohio.  It’s located directly on the Ohio River.  One side of the Ohio River is in Kentucky, and one side is in Ohio.  We had an awesome weekend.  The area was beautiful, and Mayo (the dog) enjoyed splashing around in the Ohio River.  Below are some of my favorite pictures taken.

This is Jay and Mayo right at the bank of the Ohio River.  This was a couple blocks away from our hotel.

This is Jay and Mayo right at the bank of the Ohio River. This was a couple blocks away from our hotel.

This is the Ohio River.  I couldn't believe how HUGE it is!  Saturday was a gorgeous day to wander around on the river.

This is the Ohio River. I couldn’t believe how HUGE it is! Saturday was a gorgeous day to wander around on the river.

This was taken at the Shawnee State Forest, about 20 minutes outside our hotel.  Mayo looks like the star of the picture (even though Jay claims to be the star of EVERY picture)!

This was taken at the Shawnee State Forest, about 20 minutes outside our hotel. Mayo looks like the star of the picture (even though Jay claims to be the star of EVERY picture)!

This was Bear Lake at Shawnee State Forest.  Right at the edge of the lake, there is a drop off and mini man-made waterfall.

This was Bear Lake at Shawnee State Forest. Right at the edge of the lake, there is a drop off and mini man-made waterfall.

This is a side view of the drop off at Bear Lake.

This is a side view of the drop off at Bear Lake.

This one cracks me up.  I love how Mayo's looking out from underneath Jay's arm.

This one cracks me up. I love how Mayo’s looking out from underneath Jay’s arm.

And here is Jay showing off his weapons.  Brass nuckles, his Escrima stick, and I'm not even sure how many knives he was strapped up with.  He was prepared in case one of those "Wrong Turn" situations happened!

And here is Jay showing off his weapons. Brass nuckles, his Escrima stick, and I’m not even sure how many knives he was strapped up with. He was prepared in case one of those “Wrong Turn” situations happened!

This is Jay and Mayo walking along the Ohio again.  Everyone and everything was coated with muddy sand by the time we got back to the car.

This is Jay and Mayo walking along the Ohio again. Everyone and everything was coated with muddy sand by the time we got back to the car.

Oh, yeah.  And THIS was the view from our hotel.  It's a little pixilated-looking because the picture was taken through a screen.  You get the idea, though.

Oh, yeah. And THIS was the view from our hotel. It’s a little pixilated-looking because the picture was taken through a screen. You get the idea, though.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Family, Friendship, Life, Marriage, Relationships, Travel, Weekend | 13 Comments

It Really Seems Hopeless


I was just watching a show and heard the following:  “Some people cannot begin to heal because they know there is still more hurt to come.”  It really seems hopeless sometimes.  It seems like nothing will change.  This pain will never end.  And I know it’s coming.  I KNOW there is more hurt to come.  I cannot heal.

I just want this to end.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Depressed, Drinking, Health, Life, Marriage, Mental Illness, No hope, Personal, Relationships, Sad, Self Harm, Stress, Thoughts, Weekend | 3 Comments

What My Husband Wrote


I have had a rough time of it lately.  Who hasn’t?  I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had a non-friend that I thought was a real friend.  I was suicidal, telling her that killing myself looked like a viable option.  She told me she was worried and knew I wasn’t being myself.  Weird thing, I didn’t hear from her until about 3 weeks after that.  She sent me a text asking how I was doing.  Sorry, I don’t need a “friend” who will put me on the back burner like that.

Over the weekend my husband called this person to let her know that I had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, explain what it meant, and tell her how I had been suffering lately.  She took that oppertunity to tell him that he is mistreating me (he’s not), he tries to justify his “bad” behavior to God (he doesn’t), and that God is going to kill him so that I can have “half a chance” at a good life.  That’s the background.  Last night my husband posted the following on his page.  Just wanted to share it.  BTW – he usually posts about politics, hence the title of his blog.

This one is not politics.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Health, Life, Marriage, Mental Illness, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Weekend | 2 Comments

Yesterday was a good day


My husband gave me a wonderful day yesterday.  His name is Jay.  I guess I’ll start referring to him by name.  Anyway, before we moved to Arkansas over 2 ½ years ago, we lived in Virginia.  It was such a beautiful area.  We lived in a valley surrounded by mountains.  We used to spend a lot of time driving around, checking out the scenery.  There were different roads we liked to go down, depending on how we were feeling.  Driving was something I used to do even before I met my husband.  It helps me relax and take my mind off of things.

Since we have moved to Arkansas, we have not been able to afford to put gas in our car just to drive around.  I have really been wanting to do this lately.  I have been aching to go out driving.  Jay surprised me yesterday morning by asking if I would like to go for a drive.  He found a route that wouldn’t be driving through neighborhoods or on interstates/highways.  We drove for close to 3 hours.  Just talking and checking out the scenery.  It was great.  I cried as I was driving us home.  He was so sweet to do that for me.  It really did make me feel better.  We have been having a rough couple of weeks, so it was nice to connect over something relaxing and not have to argue about decisions or money.

We have decided to try and be easier on each other.  Our disorders really seem to be clashing right now, and it’s been incredibly difficult on both of us (though I tend to only see how I am affected).  We have decided to try to keep in the forefront of our damaged minds that, even when we feel hurt and attacked, the other person is on our side and not trying to hurt us.  We both want the same things – to live harmoniously and peacefully.  We are committed to staying together until one of us dies, so we need to remember that when we each start to feel “sketchy”.  We don’t want to unnecessarily attack, criticize, condemn, hurt, etc the other person.  Jay is the only person in the world I have to count on.  He is the only person who has stuck by me.  I am quite sure that he would say the same about me.  We are really trying to treat each other right, and not let our disorders poison our marriage.  It is only Day 2 of this mindset.  So far I am hopeful.

Categories: Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Daily Life, Health, Life, Marriage, Mental Illness, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Weekend | 1 Comment

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